


group home for a dysfunctional family

by riptidex



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Memes, Texting, chat fic, everyone supports each other, except jughead no one likes him, if you’re here for the core four then stop right now, the gang is a lot closer and all friends, they also act like normal teenagers and none of that weird gargoyle voodoo shit went down, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-01-13 06:30:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riptidex/pseuds/riptidex
Summary: toni TOPaz:ok well since everyone did decide to sleep together i’m gonna need help replacing the sheetspeapod:that makes it sound like we had a mass orgy> ronnie has removed peapod from the conversation <ORThe gang is in a group chat that was definitely not supposed to be permanent, and everyone actually supports each other and acts like real teenagers for the most part.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is tbh but yeah

****

  ** _> Toni Topaz added Cheryl Blossom, Veronica Lodge, Betty Cooper, Josie McCoy, Sweet Pea, Archie Andrews, Fangs, and Kevin Keller to Group Chat <_**

**Wednesday, 1:48 am**

 

 **Toni Topaz:** guys

 **Toni Topaz:** i have a VERY important question and i need opinions asap

 **Toni Topaz:** GUYS

 **> ** **_Sweet Pea changed Toni Topaz’s name to tiny topaz <_**

 **Sweet Pea:** damn tiny what’s so important that you couldn’t just ask cheryl at two in the morning 

 **Josie McCoy:** yeah topaz i’m trying to get my beauty sleep

 **Fangs:** um i don’t even know half of thes people 

 **tiny topaz:** sweet pea istg why is that the first thing you do that in every single chat we’re in together

 **tiny topaz:** also, fangs, these are all cheryl’s friends or kevin’s friends, so therefore you should meet everyone anyway

 **Kevin Keller:** wait what was the question you needed opinions on

 **tiny topaz:** oh right, shit i forgot what it was

 **Betty Cooper:** So basically you woke everyone up at three in the morning for nothing..

 **tiny topaz:** OH RUGHT I REMEMBER

 **tiny topaz:** i just wanted to know if anyone here has rvaultl tried dog treats before because i want to know what all the hype is about 

 **tiny topaz:** actually*

 **Josie McCoy:** girl i know you didn’t just wake us all up at two in the morning on a school night for that 

 **Josie Mccoy:** i KNOW you didn’t just do that  

 **Kevin Keller:** wow

 **Archie Andrews:** why am i here 

 **Veronica Lodge:** damn who goes to bed this early even i’m still awake 

 **Betty Cooper:** V you always stay up late, you’re lucky your parents don’t care

 **Josie McCoy:** yeah lodge unlike you some of us have strict parents

 **Kevin Keller:** weird flex but ok

 **Sweet Pea:** toni i actually have tried dog treats before, it didn’t taste as good as i thought it’d be 

 **Fangs:** this is why we don’t leave hotdog with either of you two..

 **tiny topaz:** hot dog is having a splendid time at my trailer thank you very much

 **tiny topaz:** and thank you, sweet pea, for actually acknowledging my question unlike the rest of these people

 **Veronica Lodge:** in my defense i just got out of the shower

 **Kevin Keller:** in my defense i’m watching friends

 **Josie McCoy:** in my defense i don’t care

 **tiny topaz:** oh

 **Veronica Lodge:** i know you’re still new toni but don’t take josie’s late night remarks to heart she’s not a night person in the slightest 

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Toni, why was I awoken to this? Please tell me you’re not actually considering trying dog treats.

 **tiny topaz:** oh shit sorry babe i didn’t mean to wake you

 **Sweet Pea:** oh so you apologize to her but not the rest of us who have been complaining for ten minutes now

 **Kevin Keller:** wow i’ve never been in a chat where cheryl’s not immediately hurling insults at everyone and then leaving directly after 

 **Fangs:** ngl same

 **Betty Cooper:** Kev, Fangs, be nice to Cher

 **Veronica Lodge:** wait kev have you finished the show yet

 **Kevin Keller:** no i still have two more seasons

 **Veronica Lodge:** damn you’re slow i rewatched the entire thing this weekend 

 **Kevin Keller:** VERONICA THAT’S TEN SEASONS IN TWO DAYS

 **Veronica Lodge:** you’re point is?

 **Betty Cooper:** Your*

 **Veronica Lodge:** betty i love you but if you keep correcting my mistakes i’m gonna have to remove you 

 **Betty Cooper:** :( 

 **Veronica Lodge:** i’m just kidding bb i love you <3

 **Betty Cooper:** <3 

 **Cheryl Blossom:** TT? You never answered my question.

 **Kevin Keller:** well considering i heard some crashes coming from toni’s trailer a few minutes ago i’d say your girlfriend probably went ahead and decided not to use her single brain cell and tried the dog treats

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Hey! My girlfriend has more than one brain cell.

 **Veronica Lodge:** um who cares?? kevin what’re you doing at sunnyside in the first place??? 

 **Kevin Keller:** … 

 **Sweet Pea:** sucking on fangs

 **> ** **_Archie Andrews has left the chat <_ **

**Betty Cooper:** Oh 

 **Fangs:** he’s with me veronica  

 **Veronica Lodge:** i has assumed so

 **tiny topaz:** i’m alright babe it just didnt taste as good as i wouldve thought, sweets you were right 

 **Josie McCoy:** “as you would’ve thought”? what the hell did you expect when you decided to consume a DOG’S treat 

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Can you all stop verbally attacking my girlfriend? And TT, this is why I don’t trust you when you go back to your trailer on some nights.  

 **tiny topaz:** i would’ve stayed at yours if fangs hadn’t DUMPED HOT DFG ON ME so he could get some with kevin 

 **Fangs:** man i don’t expose you when you get some with chetyl 

 **Betty Cooper:** Lol “Chetyl”

 **Veronica Lodge:** wow everyone really just been sleeping over their s/o houses meanwhile i’m single af

 **Betty Cooper:** Aw I’m sorry V, you’ll find someone soon enough. Maybe i can try to set you up!

 **Kevin Keller:** ill help

 **Veronica Lodge:** noah fence betty but you’re with jughead, i’m not sure i trust you to set me up with someone

 **Veronica Lodge:** maybe as long as kev keeps you on the right track 

 **Kevin Keller:** also since everyone is up because SOMEONE had to wake everyone

 **Kevin Keller:** who in all is going to the winter formal? 

 **Veronica Lodge:** again, single.. 

 **Betty Cooper:** I’m going with Jug, if i can convince him

 **Betty Cooper:** And V, you can come with us 

 **Sweet Pea:** lmao i’m not going

 **Josie McCoy:** i’m probably going with archie

 **Fangs:** i’m not going either

 **tiny topaz:** same

 **Veronica Lodge:** josie what happened to your beauty sleep

 **Josie McCoy:** shut up lodge

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Um, babe? What do you mean you’re not going?

 **Kevin Keller:** yeah fangs you have to take me

 **tiny topaz:** did you wsnt to go?

 **tiny topaz:** want*

 **Josie McCoy:** are you dumb

 **Kevin Keller:** dating the queen bee of riverdale insures you’re going to every single school event toni

 **Betty Cooper:** Ensures*

 **Sweet Pea:** yeaheven i would have guessed that one

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Well yeah, I kind of already have my dress picked out..

 **tiny topaz:** damn sorry i’m just not used to attending those sorts of things, usually me and the boys vandalize parts of the school back at southside high during these times

 **Fangs:** ^^

 **tiny topaz:** but if you actually want to go then of course i’ll go

 **Sweet Pea:** whipped

 **tiny topaz:** sweet pea istg is it just your mission to annoy me today

 **Kevin Keller:** see, fangs! even toni’s going, so you won’t be completely alone! :)

 **Fangs:** hhh ok i’ll go

 **Kevin Keller:** yay!

 **Veronica Lodge:** i thought you two were in the same room

 **Fangs:** well we are but if my mom here’s me talking she’ll get mad because i’m not supposed 2 b up this late

 **Betty Cooper:** Hears*

 **tiny topaz:** lmao fangs mom scares me

 **Veronica Lodge:** i’m not surprised considering you’re like five feet, everything should scare you

 **tiny topaz:** veronica, we are literally the same height

 **Sweet Pea:** ngl fangs mom scares me too

 **Sweet Pea:** but she’s pretty hot

 **tiny topaz:** yeah i can agree with that too

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Toni!

 **tiny topaz:** trust me on this babe if you saw her you’d understand

 **Betty Cooper:** Can y’all please go to sleep, it’s really late and i want to get some rest before school.

 **Veronica Lodge:** just put the chat on dnd?? i already know josie did lmao

 **Betty Cooper:** What’s dnd?

 **Veronica Lodge:** oh gosh b, never mind i’ll show you tomorrow

 **Kevin Keller:** yeah cheryl i’m 110% gay but i’d totally smash fangs mom if i wasn’t

 **Fangs:** can we please not, that’s my mother and you’re my boyfriend

 **Cheryl Blossom:** I agfee with Betty I’m actually tired, and I know what “dnd” is but I don’t know how to turn it on.

 **Sweet Pea:** oh shit cheryl bombshell misspelling words? talking with such a low use of bocabulary? she must be EXHAUSTED

 **tiny topaz:** ok i’m done

  **> ** **_tiny topaz has removed Sweet Pea from Group Chat <_ **

**Kevin Keller:** mega oof

 **Veronica Lodge:** yeah but it’s almost three in the morning and i haven’t actually gotten any sleep yet so i’m gonna head off too, unlike these uncultured swines i actually know how to turn on dnd

 **Betty Cooper:** Ronnie don’t even start I have so much dirt on you it’s not even funny

 **Veronica Lodge:** you would never

 **Betty Cooper:** You’re right, i would never, but doesn’t hurt to bring it up every once in awhile

 **tiny topaz:** damn betty coop isn’t as innocent as i thought she was

 **> ** **_Cheryl Blossom named the conversation “Go to sleep you pagans” <_**

 **Veronica Lodge:** what the fuck is a pagan

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> formatting this sucked

**> ** **_Kevin Keller to “Go to sleep you pagans” <_ **

**Friday, 5:58 pm**

 

 **Kevin Keller:** are we still on for that pool party tomorrow at thornhill

 **Fangs:** i thought we were going shopping for suits for the winter formal

 **Kevin Keller:** we can do that sunday

 **Veronica Lodge:** lmao that’s not a pool party

 **Josie McCoy:** yeah a pool party would be like what cheryl hosted at the end of summer, this is just gonna be the group

 **> ** **_Fangs added Sweet Pea to the_ ** **_conversation <_ **

**Sweet Pea:** finally i was out for like two days

 **Veronica Lodge:** well i mean no one even texted since then

 **Fangs:** probably because this is the bifgest chat most of us have ever been in, and i don’t even think this was supposed to be permanent

 **Veronica Lodge:** ha losers i’ve been in bigger chats

 **Josie McCoy:** same

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Yeah, I’m not ordinarily one to text.

 **Kevin Keller:** yeah that shows, you even type fancier than betty

 **Betty Cooper:** :(

 **Cheryl Blossom:** And - yes, the pool party is still on. Why would it not?

 **Kevin Keller:** well you did cancel that sleepover a few weeks ago last minute

 **Veronica Lodge:** oof

 **tiny topaz:** cher can you hurry up in the bathroom and come get this book for me it’s on your top shelf

 **Sweet Pea:** ha your so short

 **Betty Cooper:** Aren’t Cheryl and Toni like the same height

 **Fangs:** tiny toni is like a foot shorter

 **tiny topaz:** i’m only like two inches shorter

 **Sweet Pea:** that’s not what your name says

 **tiny topaz:** i will not stand for this

 **Fangs:** you can’t even stand for anything with how clumsy you are

 **Cheryl Blossom:** Why do I always come back to you two bullying my girlfriend?

 **Cheryl Blossom:** And yes, give me a few minutes my love.

 **Kevin Keller:** GAY

**_> tiny topaz has changed their name to toni TOPaz <_ **

**toni TOPaz:** that’s better

 **Fangs:** I thought cheryltopped in that relationship

 **Betty Cooper:** I-

 **Kevin Keller:** clearly toni tops in the choni relationship

 **Josie McCoy:** yeah no fense cheryl, you know i love you, but she’s probably a pillow princess

 **Cheryl Blossom:** “Choni”? And I’m not a pillow princess.

 **Betty Cooper:** Why are we talking about this, i’m starting to see why Archie left?

 **Sweet Pea:** that ginger judass can’t escape this group that easily

 **> ** **_Sweet Pea has added Archie Andrews to the conversation <_ **

**Cheryl Blossom:** I don’t know why we’re discussing this topic either, cousin.

 **Archie Andrews:** what’s going on

 **Josie McCoy:** cheryl’s being exposed for being a bottom

 **Archie Andrews:** being exposed? i thought everyone already knew that

 **Cheryl Blossom:** I’m not a bottom! Why do y’all even think about this?

 **> ** **_toni TOPaz has changed Cheryl Blossom’s name to cheryl bottom <_ **

**cheryl bottom:** Toni!!

 **Sweet Pea:** lmfao

 **Betty Cooper:**...

 **Veronica Lodge:** lmao guys cheryl’s not a pillow princess in the slightest

 **Josie McCoy:** eh

 **Kevin Keller:** not that i don’t agree with you veronica but i’m more concerned as to how you would know that

 **Veronica Lodge:** ;)

 **toni TOPaz:** wAIT

 **Betty Cooper:** Oh my god

 **Fangs:** rip toni

 **Sweet Pea:** press f to pay respects

 **Fangs:** f

 **Archie Andrews:** f

 **Josie McCoy:** f

 **Fangs:** f

 **Betty Cooper:** f

 **Veronica Lodge:** f

 **cheryl bottom:** Guys it’s not what you think, I don’t know how Vero would know that either.

 **Veronica Lodge:** damnit cheryl you should’ve left them to forever wonder

 **toni TOPaz:** how would you know that?

 **toni TOPaz:** LODGE?

 **Veronica Lodge:** calm your tits topaz

 **Veronica Lodge:** remember that one night a few weeks ago me, you, cheryl, and betty slept over at the pembrooke?

 **cheryl bottom:** Yeah?

 **toni TOPaz:** wAIT

 **toni TOPaz:** VERONICA NO

 **Veronica Lodge:** yeah after betty fell asleep i could hear MOANS coming through teh walls

 **Veronica Lodge:** and i know for a fact it wasn’t cheryl’s

**_> toni TOPaz has left the conversation <_ **

**cheryl bottom:** …

 **Fangs:** lmao ooooof

 **> ** **_Veronica Lodge has added toni TOPaz to the conversation <_ **

**Kevin Keller:** so basically they’re switches but toni just likes to seem like the top?

 **Veronica Lodge:** sums it up

 **Josie McCoy:** why are we even

 **Sweet Pea:** hmm, fascinating

 **cheryl bottom:** Why does my sex life concern you boors?

 **Betty Cooper:** Idk either..

 **> ** **_cheryl bottom has changed their name to Cherry Bombshell <_ **

**Cherry Bombshell:** There.

 **Veronica Lodge:** that’s too original

 **Cherry Bombshell:** Well you guys still have the default names you get when you join a chat.

 **Veronica Lodge:** idk what to name myself

 **Betty Cooper:** Same

 **Archie Andrews:** same

**_> Josie McCoy has changed their name to Jojo <_ **

**_> toni TOPaz has changed Jojo’s name to jojo siwa <_ **

**Veronica Lodge:** oh my god

  ** _> Sweet Pea has changed Veronica Lodge’s name to new york rich bitch <_**

 **new york rich bitch:** wow sweet pea

 **jojo siwa:** that’s too long

 **jojo siwa:** WAIT WHHO CHANFED MY NANE

 **Sweet Pea:** lmaooooo

 **toni TOPaz:** ;)

**_> jojo siwa has changed their name to pussy cat <_ **

**Archie Andrews:** speaking of the pussy cats are they coming tomorrow?

 **Cherry Bombshell:** If they’d like to they’re welcome.

 **Kevin Keller:** aww i love seeing cheryl like this

 **Cherry Bombshell:**?

 **> ** **_new york rich bitch changed Sweet Pea’s name to peapod <_ **

**peapod:** ok wow

 **new york rich bitch:** ;)

 **Betty Cooper:** What should my name be?

**_> new york rich bitch changed Betty Cooper’s name to nancy drew <_ **

**nancy drew:** Hey!

 **Archie Andrews:** lol

**_> pussy cat changed Archie Andrew’s name to justin gingerlake <_ **

**justin gingerlake:** well considering what i could’ve got that’s not too bad

 **Cherry Bombshell:** Yeah, like Cheryl Bottom.

**_> new york rich bitch changed Cherry Bombshell’s name to Cherry bottomshell <_ **

**new york rich bitch:** is that better?

 **Cherry** **bottomshell:** No!

 **toni TOPaz:** here babe is this better

**_> toni TOPaz changed Cherry bottomshell’s name to cher bear <_ **

**> ** **_cher bear changed their name to Cher_ ** **_Bear <_ **

**Cher Bear:** Now it is. <3

 **toni TOPaz:** <3

 **peapod:** ew

 **nancy drew:** Yeah what’s up with all of you having your names as lowercase?

**_> nancy drew changed their name to Nancy Drew <_ **

**Fangs:** no offense cheryl and betty but when we’re typing no one really cares about grammaring

 **toni TOPaz:** you don’t even care even when we’re not typing

**_> peapod changed new york rich bitch’s name to daddy’s girl <_ **

**daddy’s girl:** ew no wtf

 **> ** **_daddy’s girl changed their name to ronnie <_ **

**_> Kevin Keller changed their name to that’s gay <_ **

**pussy cat:** wait so it’s okay to invite the pussies to the party tomorrow, cher?

 **Nancy Drew:** The pussies XD

 **Cher Bear:** Of course.

 **peapod:** yeah, it’s what toni likes to eat

 **toni TOPaz:** it’s also what i get more of then you

 **Cher Bear:** Wow.

 **ronnie:** oof

 **pussy cat:** damn..

 **Fangs:** LMAO

 **that’s gay:** anyway..

 **ronnie:** i’m excited for tomorrow. i have a new bikini i just bought and i can’t wait to wear it

 **peapod:** and i can’t wait to see it ;)

 **that’s gay:** okay when did THAT happen

 **ronnie:** it hasn’t, pea pod just wishes it will

 **toni TOPaz:** lmaoo

 **peapod:** shut up tiny toni you were ENEMY zoned by cheryl like twice and then got friend zoned another time after that before y’all actually started dating

 **Fangs:** lmao

 **toni TOPaz:** she just couldn’t resist my charms

 **peapod:** you mean that time you tried to get her a rose on valentine’s and ended up falling on top of those thorns

 **Fangs:** lmao so that’s why it looked like that?  she fell on it?

 **Cher Bear:** More like she fell into my heart!

 **toni TOPaz:** aw babe <3

 **peapod:** get that mushy bushy relationship stuff outta here

 **toni TOPaz:** your just mad cause veronica keeps friendzoning you

 **Nancy Drew:** You’re*

 **pussy cat:** ok valerie said she can’t come i’m still waiting on melodie

 **peapod:** didn’t valerie and archie date at some point

 **pussy cat:** yeah..

 **ronnie:** oof

 **that’s gay:** alright SUBJECT CHANGE

 **Fangs:** everyone has a different name except me

 **peapod:** well we could change it to your ACTUAL name..

 **toni TOPaz:** lmaooooo

 **Fangs:** do it i dare you

 **that’s gay:** wAIT I WANNA KNOW WHAT HIS NANE IS

 **that’s gay:** HE WONT TELL ME

 **Fangs:** keep in mind, sweets and toni, i know both of your real names too

 **peapod:** you wouldn’t

 **Fangs:** oh i would

 **ronnie:** i know toni’s real name too

 **pussy cat:** yeah same she got called during class and looked so ashamed

 **toni TOPaz:** -_-

 **Cher Bear:** Toni’s real name is gorgeous and yet she still gets upset when I call her that!

 **toni TOPaz:** i hate it

 **toni TOPaz:** but tbh out of all of us sweets real name is probably the worst

 **peapod:** yeah ik

 **peapod:** except for maybe forsythe pendleton jones III

 **Nancy Drew:** Hi, I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about my name behind my back when I’m not even in this chat.

 **Nancy Drew:** And just for that, Sweets real name is Solomon Peabody.

 **peapod:** BETTY WHAT THE FUCK

 **peapod:** HOW DID YOU EVEN KNOW MY  REAL NAME

 **toni TOPaz:** LMAOOOOO

 **Fangs:** OOOOOF

 **Nancy Drew:** Omg that was Jughead!! I’m sorry Sweet Pea!!

 **Cher Bear:** Solomon?

 **ronnie:** IAUZUSUXHSHDUESOQOD

**_> peapod has left the conversation <_ **

**pussy cat:** what did i just come back to

 **justin gingerlake:** idk either

 **Fangs:** jughead just exposed sweets

**_> ronnie has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**toni TOPaz:** it’s ok sweet pea it’s not as bad as forsythe or my real name

**_> peapod has left the conversation <_ **

**_> ronnie has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**Cher Bear:** But TT, your name isn’t even bad!!

 **toni TOPaz:** babe, i know you like it but honestly it really is a bad name

 **Cher Bear:** Debatable.

**_> peapod has left the conversation <_ **

**Fangs:** damn he really doesn’t wanna be here

 **justin gingerlake:** lmao solomon

**_> Nancy Drew has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**Nancy Drew:** I’m really sorry Sweet Pea, he looked over my shoulder and then took my phone!

 **ronnie:** lmao this is hilarious

 **peapod:** is he still looking over your shoulder rn?

 **Nancy Drew:** Yeah

 **peapod:** fuck you forsythe pendleton jones III


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jughead is finally introduced, Cheryl doesn’t like Sweet Pea, and Kevin and Fangs are involved in some shenanigans.

 

**_> Cher Bear to “Go to sleep you pagans” <_ **

**Saturday, 2:02 pm**

 

 **Cher Bear:** Everyone was supposed to be here by two, but only Betty and that beanie wearing hobo are here.

 **justin gingerlake:** it’s only been two minutes..?

 **ronnie:** toni’s not there either?

 **Cher Bear:** Of course TT’s here, she practically lives at Thistlehouse.

 **Fangs:** we just got to the front and we would have been here sooner if kevin hadn’t argued about how dangerous my motorcycle was and insisted we take his car

 **toni TOPaz:** lmao cheryl gave this entire speech about how irresponsible i was to not have a helmet, it took a lot of persuading to get her to ride it

 **Fangs:** a lot of sexual persuading probably

 **Nancy Drew:** Andddd it’s time to stop

 **pussy cat:** me and archie are stuck in traffic, we should be there in about ten minutes

 **peapod:** why the hell am i the only one who doesn’t know how to get there

 **ronnie:** i’m about a few minutes away

 **ronnie:** how do you not know how to get to thornhill

 **toni TOPaz:** yeah even i knew how to get here before i dated cheryl

 **Cher Bear:** I’m kind of concerned..?

 **peapod:** ok well i’m currently in the pops parking lot and i have no idea where i’m going

 **Fangs:** why are you in the parking lot

 **peapod:** i was asking pops for directions but i’m pretty sure he’s kind of sketched out about someone like me asking directions to the northside princess house

 **ronnie:** oh my god i’ll just drive by and you can follow me

 **peapod:** thanks ronnie!

 **ronnie:** np

 **that’s gay:** ok so everyone here is paired off in a couple except for ronnie and pea

 **peapod:** ;)

 **ronnie:** not gonna happen, sorry

 **Cher Bear:** oof

 **justin gingerlake:** lmao did cheryl just say “oof”

 **that’s gay:** NO TEXTING AND DRIIVNG!!

 **Fangs:** let us know when y’all are here so someone can open up the gate, we can’t really travel through thornhill..

 **pussy cat:** ooooof

 **peapod:** is the entire thing burned down

 **Fangs:** yes

 **peapod:** nice

 **ronnie:** peapod get off your phone and follow me

 **peapod:** yes ma’am

 **justin gingerlake:** alright me and josie are here

 **Nancy Drew:** i’ll open the gate

 **ronnie:** me and pea are here too

 **peapod:** yup

 **Cher Bear:** Only twenty minutes late..

 

-

 

**Saturday, 7:38 pm**

**pussy cat:** ugh i’m completely exhausted

 **Nancy Drew:** Same

 **justin gingerlake:** same i’m glad cher’s letting us stay over

 **peapod:** i’m not

 **ronnie:** that’s your own damn fault

 **peapod:** i didn’t mean to knock her in the pool..

 **that’s gay:** despite hearing her say she didn’t want to get her hair wet you literally picked her up and threw her in while she screamed

 **Fangs:** tbh that was worth a good chuckle but seeing toni trying to save her girl with her five foot height was hilarious

 **peapod:** bruh y’all don’t know how it feels to have cheryl glare at you like that tho i mean i’m not one to be intimidated but that was scary

 **ronnie:** ahh, the famous blossom glare

 **Nancy Drew:** Actually i think she’s used that on all of us?

 **justin gingerlake:** yeah

 **pussy cat:** lmao i feel like i’m the only one who hasn’t been glared at

 **justin gingerlake:** i think she’s only done it to me once

 **Nancy Drew:** What about Toni?

 **ronnie:** betty were you not there the day the southsiders came to riverdale high, cheryl was glaring daggers straight through her soul

 **Fangs:** oof

 **peapod:** damn how many bathrooms does this mansion have like i swear there’s one for all of us

 **Cher Bear:** This isn’t a mansion, you pea brained chowderhead.

 **toni TOPaz:** it’s kind of a mansion..

 **pussy cat:** thornhill was like 5 times bigger

 **Fangs:** lmao where do you come up with these insults cheryl

 **peapod:** …

 **Nancy Drew:** Alright me, jug, and toni are downstairs waiting for when y’all wanna eat

 **pussy cat:** Everyone’s showering and stuff

 **Nancy Drew:** Also Jug wants to be added to the chat

 **peapod:** no

 **Cher Bear:** No.

 **that’s gay:** nah

 **toni TOPaz:** lmao told you betty

 **Nancy Drew:** Aw why not?

 **peapod:** he’s a bitch

 **Nancy Drew:** Hey Pea it’s Jug. are you still mad about the whole revealing of your name?

 **peapod:** stfu

 **ronnie:** oof

 **Fangs:** cher why don’t you want him to be added

 **Cher Bear:** I don’t like him.

 **pussy cat:** lmao so straightforward

 **that’s gay:** yeah he’s a little too dark and brooding for me

 **Fangs:** isnt cheryl dark and brooding..

 **Cher Bear:** Not in a Jughead sort of way.

 **toni TOPaz:** don’t ever compare cheryl to jughead again

 **pussy cat:** yeah cheryl’s only brooding like that when she’s mad

 **peapod:** which is like all the time

 **Cher Bear:** I’m about to kick you out of my mansion.

 **peapod:** oh so now it’s a mansion

 **Cher Bear:** Shut up.

 **justin gingerlake:** i’m so confused

 **that’s gay:** poor archibald

 **Nancy Drew:** Guys I didn’t mean to make you all start arguing.

 **Nancy Drew:** Jug said give him a chance?

 **peapod:** fine

**_> Nancy Drew added Jughead Jones to the conversation <_ **

**Jughead Jones:** Thanks betty

 **> ** **_peapod changed Jughead Jones’s name to hobo <_ **

**hobo:** Wow

 **ronnie:** lmao you stole cher’s name for him

 **Cher Bear:** Fine, and I still don’t like you either peapod. And I love you too, TT.

 **justin gingerlake:**?

 **ronnie:** toni leaves notes on the mirror when cheryl showers

 **that’s gay:** vERONICA HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS STUFF

 **ronnie:** they’re my favorite couple!

 **peapod:** hey “TT” can you get your girlfriend to forgive me

 **toni TOPaz:** and face the wrath of cher bear?

 **toni TOPaz:** your on your own buddy

 **Nancy Drew:** You’re*

 **Fangs:** why is it that betty only shows up when a correction is needed

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **ronnie:** LMAO CHERYL AND SWEET PEA CANE DOWN AT THE SAME TIME AND SWEETS JUST COWERED AWAY WHEN CHERYL GLARED AT HIM

 **that’s gay:** aw man does that mean cheryl’s gonna be grumpy for the rest of the night

 **Cher Bear:** I’m not grumpy.

 **justin gingerlake:** cheryl you’re literally the definition of a grumpy cartoon cat that’s secretly really loving but doesn’t want to show it

 **toni TOPaz:** not on my watch ;)

 **Nancy Drew:** Oh

 **peapod:** oh yes

 **Cher Bear:** Omg TT stop feeding them!

 **hobo:** Hey arch, josie, kevin, and fangs, we’re all kind of hungry down here and you guys are still up there doing whatever it is you do

 **Fangs:** ladies and gentlemen the asexual of the group

 **Nancy Drew:**?

 **hobo:** I’m not asexual

 **ronnie:** oh damn even i thought you were

 **pussy cat:** oof

 **justin gingerlake:** anywayme and josie are coming but we can hear.. noises.. coming from one room and i’m assuming it’s the room they’re occupying

 **Cher Bear:** Oh my god I’m about to ban every couple from sleeping in the same room together!!

 **toni TOPaz:** bUT BABEEEE

 **peapod:** CHER NO

 **justin gingerlake:** :(

 **Nancy Drew:** Noooo

 **Cher Bear:** Don’t call me that, peasant.

 **peapod:** Cher

 **ronnie:** image71837.png ( _Cheryl is glaring at Sweet Pea from across the table, Toni with a hand on her shoulder and trying, but failing, not to laugh.)_

 **that’s gay:** lmao nooo

 **Cher Bear:** I don’t want to have to replace sheets on every single bed in the morning.

 **toni TOPaz:** :(

 **ronnie:** pea why do you care we’re not sharing a bed

 **peapod:** :(

 **justin gingerlake:** lmao

 **pussy cat:** kev and fangs get your booties down here before we have to do damage control and stop cheryl from murdering pea pod

 **peapod:** can everyone stop calling me that

 **hobo:** Sorry solomon.

**_> peapod has removed hobo from the conversation <_ **

**Nancy Drew:** Hey! >:(

**_> Nancy Drew has added hobo to the conversation <_ **

**justin gingerlake:** lmaoooo

 **that’s gay:** ALRIGHT WE’RE COMING

 **hobo:** Finally

 

-

 

**_> pussy cat has added Nancy Drew, ronnie, Cher Bear, and toni TOPaz to Group Chat <_ **

**Saturday, 9:48 pm**

 

**_> pussy cat has named the conversation “PDA ALERT” <_ **

**pussy cat:** peep kev and fangs

 **pussy cat:** i- i think they’re -

 **ronnie:** oh my god they really are the most public with their affections

 **Nancy Drew:** Tbh that sounds more like a Cheryl and Toni thing.

 **ronnie:** they’re public with their affections but not their SEXUAL affections

 **pussy cat:** yeah look at them right now

 **Nancy Drew:** Lol Cheryl’s asleep.

 **toni TOPaz:** can y’all stop texting during the movie

 **ronnie:** well this movie is boring and kevin and fangs are “discretely” making out

 **toni TOPaz:** it’s not boring, it’s a horror movie!

 **pussy cat:** girl your girlfriend is asleep on your shoulder and practically snoring during a “horror” movie, this ain’t it

 **ronnie:** oh shit kev and fangs are getting louder

 **Nancy Drew:** …

 **pussy cat:** SOMEBODY STOP THEM

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **ronnie:** IM TOO FAR

 **ronnie:** TONI YOUR THE CLOSEST

 **Nancy Drew:** You’re*

 **Nancy Drew:** Ok even jug’s looking

 **ronnie:** TONI DO SOMETHING

 **toni TOPaz:** i can’t move cheryl’s completely wrapped around me

 **pussy cat:** GIRL WAKE HER ASS UP OR SOMETHING KEV IS ON TOP OF FANGS

 **toni TOPaz:** but i’m so warm and if she realizes she was cuddling me in front of all of y’all she won’t do it again..

 **pussy cat:** TONI I SWEAR TO GOD DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES

 **ronnie:** WE MUST MAKE SACRIFICES

 **Nancy Drew:** Um??

 **Nancy Drew:** Why are y’all talking like that one movie with the vikings

 **toni TOPaz:** betty what are you talking about

 **ronnie:** istg i have to do everything myself

 **Nancy Drew:** What in the world was that that just flew past my head?

 **ronnie:** latina instincts

 **Nancy Drew:** Is that a shoe?

 **pussy cat:** did you seriously just throw your shoe at them

 **ronnie:** WELL IT GOT THEM TO STOP DIDN'T IT

 **ronnie:** WHAT ELSE DID YALL WANT ME TO DO

 **toni TOPaz:** oh my god just get off y’all’s phones and pay attention to the movie

 

-

**_> that’s gay to “Go to sleep you pagans” <_**

**Saturday, 10:03 pm**

 

 **that’s gay:** wait so are the couples still sharing rooms

 **ronnie:** i thought cheryl said we weren’t

 **justin gingerlake:** yeah

 **peapod:** yeah i barely got her to forgive me like an hour ago i’m not ready to go to war like that again

 **hobo:** Idk

 **hobo:** Also what did you guys think of that movie

 **Fangs:** horrible

 **ronnie:** worst horror movie ever, literally both sweet pea and cheryl fell asleep during it

 **hobo:** oh

 **pussy cat:** yeah never letting jughead and toni choose a movie again

 **Nancy Drew:** Aww I liked it

 **ronnie:** lmao sure

 **that’s gay:** wait is cheryl still asleep

 **justin gingerlake:** yeah

 **that’s gay:** toni do you think you can carry her upstairs without waking her up

 **toni TOPaz:** why would I do that

 **that’s gay:** so she can’t make sure the couples don’t share rooms

 **peapod:** lmao you’re pouring gasoline on fire man

 **pussy cat:** uhhhhh

 **toni TOPaz:** idk kev i’d rather not risk igniting her fury, just cause i’m her girlfriend doesn’t mean i’m safe from it

 **that’s gay:** come on pleaseeee

 **justin gingerlake:** i wanna sleep in the same bad as josie but idk if it’s worth it if we hear kev and fangs having SEX all night

 **justin gingerlake:** bed*

 **Fangs:** …

 **hobo:** Lmao that’s how it was with you and veronica

 **Nancy Drew:** Jug-

 **peapod:** …

 **pussy cat:** wow

 **that’s gay:** OK SUBJECT CHANGE

 **that’s gay:** come on toni

 **toni TOPaz:** alright fine but if she wakes up while i’m carrying her or something i’m blaming it all on you and fangs

 **Fangs:** wait wtf did i do

 **peapod:** you get blamed by association

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **peapod:** wait so does this mean we can all stop texting and go upstairs

 **that’s gay:** wait till toni moves her upstairs

 **pussy cat:** y’all realize she’ll be able to see these in the morning when she wakes up

 **Fangs:** i’m so fucked

 **ronnie:** oh well

 **that’s gay:** me and fangs will sneak out in the morning

 **peapod:** cheryl if you’re reading this, hello future you and i didn’t have anything to do with this

 **justin gingerlake:** why are we all still texting despite being in the same room

 **peapod:** so we don’t wake up cheryl..?

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **pussy cat:** archie-

 **pussy cat:** aww look at toni carrying cheryl

 **that’s gay:** oh my god that’s gay

 **that’s gay:** IM LIVING FOR IT

 **pussy cat:** ngl i didn’t even know toni could carry cheryl

 **hobo:** Damn i’ve never seen cheryl look so.. human before

 **Nancy Drew:** Leave her alone

 **Fangs:** honestly same

 **ronnie:** that’s probably because she doesn’t like y’all

 **that’s gay:** AWW LOOK SHE JUST WRAPPED HER ARMS AROUND TONI’S NECK

 **that’s gay:** IM STARTING TO SEE WHY THEY’RE YOUR FAVORITE COUPLE RONI

 **ronnie:** ikr

 **peapod:** ew

 **hobo:** But real talk guys the movie wasn’t that bad

 **justin gingerlake:** jug, i love you bro, but even i think it was bad

 **Fangs:** yeah

 **ronnie:** yeah juggie just accept the fact that your taste in movies is horrible, same goes for betty and toni

 **Nancy Drew:** :(

 **hobo:** Don’t call me Juggie.

 **that’s gay:** hows it going toni all good?

 **toni TOPaz:** yeah mission successful she’s in bed and still asleep y’all can move now

 **toni TOPaz:** bet y’all are glad i didn’t wake her up to stop kevin and fangs from making out earlier

 **Fangs:** wow

 **that’s gay:** hey we stopped

 **pussy cat:** yeah after veronica threw her chancla at you

 

 **peapod:** good job tt we owe you one

 **toni TOPaz:** don’t ever call me that again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all seen that still from this wednesday’s episode? i swear to god they’re purposely targeting the gays


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jughead’s hungry, everyone rats out Kevin and Fangs, and Josie has a continuous streak of losing her bra.

**> ** **_hobo to “Go to sleep you_  ** ** _pagans” <_**

**Sunday, 10:43**

 

 **hobo:** So what’s for breakfast

 **hobo:** Hello

 **hobo:** Guys?

 **ronnie:** what do you want

 **Fangs:** why don’t you COME DOWNSTAIRS AND MAKE SOMETHING YOURSELF

 **hobo:** Oh you guys are downstairs?

 **that’s gay:** just me, fangs, and pea

 **peapod:** yeah the tv down in the living room is fucking huge and has all the channels, like damn what were we doing on netflix last night

 **ronnie:** surprisingly enough, i didn’t hear any moans coming through the walls from either side

 **Fangs:** does that mean we’re safe

 **justin gingerlake:** what

 **toni TOPaz:** hey is cheryl down there cause she’s not in bed or in the bathroom

 **that’s gay:** no

 **Fangs:** no

 **peapod:** oh no

 **justin gingerlake:** that’s weird josie’s missing too

 **hobo:** Oh shit

 **Nancy Drew:**..?

 **peapod:** y’all think she snapped and killed her

 **toni TOPaz:** oh my god cheryl’s not like that

 **ronnie:** yeah and let’s be real josie’s the last person here she would kill

 **ronnie:** maybe aside from toni

 **toni TOPaz:** >:(

 **Fangs:** lmao

 **Cher Bear:** Actually, both of your presumptions are essentially erroneous.

 **peapod:** wtf?? “presumptions”? ERRONEOUS?

 **that’s gay:** this is why no one can ever understand what you’re saying cheryl

 **toni TOPaz:** yeah sometimes she thinks i’m not listening to her but in reality i am i just don’t understand

 **Fangs:** yeah no one can understand her WHEN SHE STARTS SPEAKING CHINESE

 **ronnie:** lmaooo

 **Nancy Drew:** I can?

 **Fangs:** you know what betty

 **Cher Bear:** Sorry, I meant both of your speculations are fallacious.

 **justin gingerlake:** what

 **peapod:** i still don’t understand??

 **Fangs:** speak english please

 **ronnie:** oml

 **pussy cat:** oh for fucks sake

 **Cher Bear:** BOTH OF YOUR ASSUMPTIONS WERE INCORRECT

 **Fangs:** why didn’t you just say both of your guesses were wrong or something

 **peapod:** ohhh

 **justin gingerlake:** oh thank god

 **hobo:** Do you like not know how to use normal person words, or..

 **Cher Bear:** You nether stratum vulgar potatoes.

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **hobo:** It’s not our fault you speak like you're from the 18th century

 **peapod:** ^

 **Cher Bear:** It’s called being intellectual.

 **peapod:** ha jokes on you i still don’t know what you’re saying

 **Nancy Drew:** She basically just called you guys dumb potatoes lol

 **justin gingerlake:** makes sense

 **toni TOpaz:** don’t listen to them babe, i love it when you talk like that

 **Cher Bear:** <3

 **toni TOPaz:** <3

 **Fangs:** lol

 **that’s gay:** so are we just gonna have to hire betty as a translator or something

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **ronnie:** wait where’d y’all go

 **pussy cat:** i had a craving and cher was already up this morning when i got up so we went to pops

 **Cher Bear:** ^

 **Fangs:** damn what time did y’all get up

 **Cher Bear:** I was up around six and Josie awoke a couple of hours later.

 **peapod:**?????????

 **hobo:** What were you doing up at six-

 **ronnie:** dang even i don’t get up that early on weekends

 **Cher Bear:** It’s not early.

 **justin gingerlake:** um, yes it is

 **toni TOPaz:** lmao compared to the time she gets up on the weekdays it’s not

 **that’s gay:** i’m not sure i even want to know

 **Cher Bear:** Haha.

 **hobo:** I can’t tell if that was sarcasm or not..?

 **Cher Bear:** Why would it be sarcasm?

 **peapod:** cheryl blossom you are the world’s weirdest texter

 **hobo:** Anyway are you guys bringing us some food back from Pops or did y’all just decide to eat there

 **Cher Bear:** Well, maybe if you all had actually followed my regulations about not sleeping with your s/o..

 **peapod:** DAMNIT KEVIN THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

 **that’s gay:**!!!!!!

 **hobo:** But Josie’s getting food and she slept with Archie!!

 **justin gingerlake:** dude, we didn’t sleep sleep together

 **hobo:** That’s not what i meant

 **Cher Bear:** Well I like Josie.

 **pussy cat:** ;)

 **ronnie:** oh shit toni jojo’s stealing your girl

 **toni TOPaz:** hey!!!

 **justin gingerlake:** hey!

 **that’s gay:** the fact that those went through at the same time

 **Cher Bear:** Nooo, you know I only have eyes for you TT.

 **Cher Bear:** You’re my one and only.

 **toni TOPaz:** aww ily babe <3

 **Cher Bear:** I love you too.

 **Fangs:** PDA alert

 **ronnie:** boi you don’t get to talk

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **pussy cat:** anyway me and cheryl have just ate and we’re heading back, kev and fangs i suggest you two hide

 **hobo:** So y’all aren’t bringing back any food..?

 **ronnie:** jUGDEAD IF YOU COULD STOP ASKING FOR 2 SECONDS MAYBE SHE WOULD

 **justin gingerlake:** i’m actually kind of hungry

 **peapod:** same

 **pussy cat:** i’m sure you guys can find something to eat before cher kicks everyone out of her house

 **peapod:** house?

 **pussy cat:** well let’s be real here compared to thornhill, thistlehouse is basically a beaten up little shack in someone’s backyard

 **Nancy Drew:** Yeah even burned down thornhill is still bigger

 **Fangs:** damn how big was thornhill

 **Nancy Drew:** Really really big

 **Cher Bear:** Please don’t cook anything.

 **Cher Bear:** Peapod has the culinary skills of a blind toddler.

 **hobo:** :(

 **peapod:** wow

 **Fangs:** i mean she’s not wrong

 **Nancy Drew:** I knew that wasn’t a good idea.

 **justin gingerlake:** what

 **toni TOPaz:** ok well since everyone did decide to sleep together i’m gonna need help replacing the sheets

 **peapod:** that makes it sound like we had a mass orgy

**_> ronnie has removed peapod from the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** anyway.. i vote kev and fangs do it all

 **that’s gay:** veronica i feel betrayed

 **justin gingerlake:** agreed

 **hobo:** agreed

 **Nancy Drew:** Sorry Kev, but it was your idea..

 **Fangs:** wHy Do I kEeP gEtTiNg bLaMeD

 **that’s gay:** ok fine

**_> Fangs has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**Fangs:** sorry he kept asking

 

-

 

**_> peapod to “Go to sleep you pagans” <_ **

**Sunday, 11:05**

 

**_> peapod named the conversation “POPS 4 DAYS” <_ **

**peapod:** guys get down here, cheryl and josie are here with pips!!

 **ronnie:** tf is a pip

 **Nancy Drew:** Pops*

 **hobo:** REALLY?

 **hobo:** ITS A MIRACLE

 **justin gingerlake:** aww cheryl

 **that’s gay:** then what was the point of telling us we weren’t getting pops

 **Fangs:** i feel like josie had to convince her

 **ronnie:** if y’all don’t keep you comments to yourself she’s probably not gonna give us any

 **Nancy Drew:** XD

 **pussy cat:** dang i’ve never seen jughead run down stairs so fast

 **peapod:** there’s so much food damn

 **toni TOPaz:** yeah she usually just throws stuff on the company card

 **pussy cat:** lmao everyone’s thanking cheryl and she looks so flustered

 **toni TOPaz:** aw i’m coming

 **that’s gay:** ok ok i’m coming

**_> hobo named the conversation “We love you Cher” <_ **

 

-

 

**_> pussy cat to “We love you Cher” <_ **

**Sunday, 1:48**

 

 **pussy cat:** hey toni and cheryl can y’all check the guest bedrooms for my bra, i think i left it there

 **toni TOPaz:** wtf josie

 **pussy cat:** don’t judge me

 **Cher Bear:** Who named the chat that?

 **ronnie:** jugdead

 **hobo:** Oh sorry, it was the spur of the moment action type thing, I won’t do it again..

**_> hobo named the conversation “Group..?” <_ **

**Nancy Drew:** Jug lol

 **hobo:** Also, Betty, I’m picking you up in twenty minutes.

 **Nancy Drew:** Okay

 **ronnie:** where are y’all going

 **hobo:** No where ;)

 **peapod:** oh ew

 **Nancy Drew:** :)

 **justin gingerlake:** does that mean what i think it means

 **hobo:** Idk what do you think it means?

 **Cher Bear:** Okay, there’s too much heterosexual radiation here for my liking.

 **that’s gay:** ^

 **pussy cat:** cAN SOMEONE PLZ SEARCH FOR MY BRA

 **toni TOPaz:** WHICH ROOM WERE YOI IN

 **pussy cat:** BITCH IDK THERE WAS LIKE TWENTY ROOMS

 **peapod:** I TOLD YOU THAT PLACE IS LIKE A MANSION

 **Cher Bear:** IT'S NOT A MANSION!

 **hobo:** Woahghh

 **peapod:** THEN WHY WERE THERE LIKE TWENTY ROOMS IN THE UPSTAIRS AREA ALONE

 **Cher Bear:** THERE’S LIKE SIX?

 **justin gingerlake:** biggest understatement of the year

 **toni TOPaz:** WELL IM NOT SEARCHING “TWENTY ROOMS” FOR YOUR BRA

 **toni TOPaz:** GET A NEW ONE

 **pussy cat:** EXCUSE ME?

 **Fangs:** LMAOOO

 **that’s gay:** WHY ARE WE YELLING

 **Fangs:** idk it just seemed right to join in

 **Cher Bear:** TT we have to, I don’t want anyone to find a stray bra if they stay over.

 **toni TOPaz:** ugh fine

 **ronnie:** wtf just happened

 **justin gingerlake:** josie lost her bra

 **ronnie:** again?

 **hobo:** Is this just like a trend or something

 **Nancy Drew:** Stop making fun of Josie, we’ve all lost our bras before let’s be honest.

 **peapod:** relatable

 **toni TOPaz:** wtf pea

 **pussy cat:** thank you betty

 **pussy cat:** betty’s the only real one here, all the rest of you are FAKE

 **pussy cat:** except you archibald, you’re a real one

 **justin gingerlake:** :)

 **toni TOPaz:** bruh what do you mean me and cher have literally just spent the past ten minutes searching for your bra and we can’t find it

 **pussy cat:** how many rooms have y’all searched

 **toni TOPaz:** two

 **hobo:** Better get crackin

 **ronnie:** please don’t ever say that again

 **hobo:**  Also Betty i’m here.

 **Nancy Drew:** Ok :)

 **justin gingerlake:** GUYS

 **pussy cat:** WHAT

 **peapod:** yeah

 **justin gingerlake:** holy shit..

 **that’s gay:**?

 **Fangs:** what’s going on

 **toni TOPaz:** wHAT

 **pussy cat:** girl get off your phone and look for my bra

 **toni TOPaz:** …

**_> pussy cat named the conversation “find my bra” <_ **

**toni TOPaz:** istg josie if you weren’t cheryl’s best friend

 **Nancy Drew:** Archie? What’s wrong?

 **pussy cat:** archibald?

 **hobo:**  Arch are you good?

 **justin gingerlake:** no

 **peapod:** what’s up

 **hobo:**  Well are you gonna tell us why..?

 **pussy cat:** archie what’s wrong

 **justin gingerlake:** the kids from the magic school bus.. grew up to be the planeteers

 **pussy cat:** i-

 **ronnie:** archie-

 **Nancy Drew:** Archie WE WERE WORRIED

 **peapod:** lmaoooo

 **that’s gay:** actually that’s a pretty good theory

 **Fangs:** oof

 **ronnie:** damn first it was toni then archie

 **justin gingerlake:** what’s that supposed to mean

 **pussy cat:** oh wait i found my bra, it was at the bottom of my bag

 **Cher Bear:** Josie!

 **toni TOPaz:** JOSIE I SWEAR TO THE ANTICHRIST

 **ronnie:** LMAO

 **peapod:** lmao now y’all know how i felt when my name was revealed

 **ronnie:** how does that have any sort of relevance

 **toni TOPaz:** mccoy i’m gonna strangle you

 **pussy cat:** ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all we survived the hiatus riverdale is back on tonight!! i’m kind of worried but that’s ok


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And, the plot thickens. (Just kidding, just making this up as I go.)

**_> Cher Bear to “find my bra” <_ **

**Sunday, 7:39 pm**

 

 **Cher Bear:** I have a particularly salient boon, aimed for the females of this chat.

 **pussy cat:**?

 **peapod:** good thing idk what you just said

 **justin gingerlake:** lol same

 **that’s gay:** oof

 **Nancy Drew:** What is it Cheryl?

 **toni TOPaz:** um translation

 **Nancy Drew:** She has an important request for us.

 **ronnie:** what is it

 **Fangs:** but what was the point of adding in all those unnecessary words like who even talks like that

 **hobo:** I thought we already moved past the fact that Cheryl talks like she’s from the 18th century

 **pussy cat:** what do you need cheryl

 **Cher Bear:** Correction, it’s more so directed at Betty Snooper and her dearest hobo of a significant other.

 **ronnie:** lmao betty snooper

 **peapod:** lol i like that

**_> peapod changes Nancy Drew’s name to betty snooper <_ **

**hobo:** If we’re doing name changes i’m gonna do something i’ve been dying to do since i got here

 **betty snooper:** Hey!

 **that’s gay:** lol

**_> hobo changed toni TOPaz’s name to tiny topASS <_ **

**Fangs:** LMAO

 **justin gingerlake:** why do i never know what’s going on

 **pussy cat:** damn what did she ever do to you

 **tiny topASS:** wtf

 **Cher Bear:** HEY!!

 **peapod:** i mean did he lie

**_> Cher Bear has removed peapod from the conversation <_ **

**_> Cher Bear has removed hobo from the conversation <_ **

**_> Cher Bear has changed tiny topASS’s name to tiny topaz <_ **

**tiny topaz:** <3

 **tiny topaz:** wait that’s even worse

 **Fangs:** how’s that worst

 **betty snooper:** Worse*

 **tiny topaz:** why does everyone pick on me for being short when veronica is like the same height as me

 **ronnie:** well i wear heels almost every day and you usually don’t

 **pussy cat:** i like how we still don’t know what cheryl was gonna ask

 **that’s gay:** yeah i came on cause i was wondering about that but now i’m just confused

**_> tiny topaz has changed their name to toni TOPaz <_ **

**_> Cher Bear has changed toni TOPaz’s name to T.T <_ **

**Fangs:** ew

 **that’s gay:** don’t disrespect the only other gay couple here

 **T.T:** yeah fangs

 **Fangs:** sorry i had to fill in for sweets

**_> Fangs has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**_> peapod has added hobo to the conversation <_ **

**hobo:** Good to be back.

 **justin gingerlake:** you were gone for like two minutes

**_> T.T has changed their name to tiny TOPaz <_ **

**tiny TOPaz:** compromise?

 **betty snooper:** XD

 **pussy cat:** y’all are so childish omg

 **peapod:** sure

 **hobo:** Sure

 **Cher Bear:** Anyway, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted by this entire mess..

 **Cher Bear:** Betty do you think you can figure out what my mother’s planning? I think she’s going to sell Thornhill but I’m not entirely sure, and I need to figure out how to stop her if she is.

 **peapod:** why would you care if she sold it didn’t you burn it all down

 **peapod:** besides from the pool

 **betty snooper:** Sweet Pea..

 **that’s gay:** SWEET PEA

 **ronnie:** omg sweet pea

 **tiny TOPaz:** oh my god solomon if you don’t learn to filter yourself i’m gonna shove my foot down your throat and punt kick your ass to the sun i swear to god

 **Fangs:** you’ve done worse

**_> tiny TOPaz has named the conversation “i’ll just beat him to death” <_ **

**hobo:** Sweets oml

 **Cher Bear:** It’s okay, he’s right anyway. I just didn’t think she’d ever sell it despite me doing it, that’s where JJ is buried and I don’t want to lose it.

 **pussy cat:** aww no cher

 **Fangs:** i’m so sorry

 **peapod:** sorry cheryl

 **ronnie:** i’m sorry

 **betty snooper:** Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Cher. Of course me and Jug can help! I’ll get started right away.

 **that’s gay:** i’ll help

 **hobo:** Yeah, even though we don’t really get along cheryl i’ll help betty with this

 **justin gingerlake:** yeah same i’m not doing anything tomorrow

 **Cher Bear:** Thanks guys.

 **tiny TOPaz:** is this why you’ve been feeling down all day? i’m gonna come over right now with flowers and milkshakes

 **Cher Bear:** That’s actually not, but I’ll happily accept the milkshakes anyway.

 **tiny TOPaz:** alright i’m omw

 **Cher Bear:** Thanks, you’re the best T.T.

 **pussy cat:** wait archie i thought we were meeting at sweet water tomorrow

 **justin gingerlake:** …

 **justin gingerlake:** idk how to tell you this

 **peapod:** oh oof

 **hobo:** oooof

 **ronnie:** …

 **pussy cat:** tell me what, archibald?

 **Fangs:** oh shit stuff

 **that’s gay:** uh

 **justin gingerlake:** maybe we should take this to private chat.

 **pussy cat:** yeah, maybe we should?

 **Fangs:** well on a completely different and non sadistic subject

 **Fangs:** me and kev are shopping for suits and i need help cause he refuses to see mine

 **peapod:** woah big word

 **Fangs:** ikr i heard cheryl say it the other day

 **betty snooper:** Do you even know what sadistic means?

 **Fangs:** i mean it’s ‘sad’istic so what else can it mean

 **hobo:** -_-

 **pussy cat:** image8273.png ( _text conversation between archie and josie, revealing that archie can’t swim and is afraid of water.)_

 **justin gingerlake:** JOSIE YOU PROMISED

 **pussy cat:** lol no i didn’t

 **peapod:** LMAO WAIT IS THAT WHY YOU DIDNT WANT TO GO WITH HER TO THE RIVER

 **that’s gay:** lmao poor archibald

 **hobo:** Wait i thought everyone knew that?

 **justin gingerlake:**!!!

 **betty snooper:** I knew that..

 **Cher Bear:** Same.

 **ronnie:** well y’all have known him like all his life

 **pussy cat:** yeah i thought it was gonna be serious but turns out he can’t swim

 **Fangs:** lmao that’s so embarrassing

 **peapod:** ^^

 **pussy cat:** i think it’s adorable

 **justin gingerlake:** -_-

 **justin gingerlake:** i’m not adorable.

 **that’s gay:** oh please you’re like a lost ginger puppy who just follows everyone around and never knows what’s going on

 **betty snooper:** True

 **ronnie:** press f to pay respects

 **peapod:** f

 **that’s gay:** f

 **Fangs:** f

 **hobo:** F

 **betty snooper:** F

 **pussy cat:** f

 **justin gingerlake:** josie!!

 **pussy cat:** oh please like you didn’t see that coming

 **justin gingerlake:**!!!

 **peapod:** now you know how i felt that one time FORSYTHE decided to reveal my name

 **hobo:** Oh god you’re still on that?

 **peapod:** yes!

 **Fangs:** again i have no idea how that’s relevant to anything

 **ronnie:** oh for christ sake move on pea it happened like years ago

 **peapod:** it was like half a week ago!!

 **peapod:** you’d feel the same way if your name was my name!!

 **betty snooper:** Solomon?

**_> peapod has removed betty snooper from the conversation <_ **

**peapod:** NEXT PERSON TO MENTJON MY NAME JS GETTING REMOVED

 **that’s gay:** damn what did betty ever do to you

 **Fangs:** chill out pea

 **ronnie:** yeah, that’s my b. leave her alone

**_> ronnie has added betty snooper to the conversation <_ **

**justin gingerlake:** oof

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **pussy cat:** lmao y’all are a mess when i’m not here

 **betty snooper:** XD

 **Fangs:** ANYWAY back to what i was about to ask before y’all decided to change the subject on me

 **Fangs:** i need help picking out these suits and usually toni helps me with this shit but she’s not here and kevin won’t help me

 **that’s gay:** i’m not supposed to see it!!

 **justin gingerlake:** i thought that was for like weddings and stuff

 **hobo:** …

 **Fangs:** anyway

 **that’s gay:** where are you anyway i lost youat the food cort

 **betty snooper:** Court*

 **Fangs:** i’m at dillard’s

 **pussy cat:** DILLARDS LMAO

 **ronnie:** what are you doing at dillards oml

 **Fangs:** IDK WHERE TO LOOK

 **hobo:** come on even i know not togo there

 **tiny TOPaz:** what’s so wrong with dillard’s??

 **Fangs:** oh thank god toni there you are i need your help

 **ronnie:** oh my god i’m starting to see the reason behind your fashion choices

 **tiny TOPaz:** what’s so wrong with my fashion choice????

 **Fangs:** ok wow

 **ronnie:** nothing just thinking about that matching hawaiian button up shirt you and fangs have and putting two and two together

 **that’s gay:** oh that pair of shirts that me and cheryl have been trying to burn for months now?

 **ronnie:** yeah lmao

 **betty snooper:** Aw I like that.

 **pussy cat:** girl i bet you’re only trying to be nice because that thing is hideous

 **pussy cat:** literally only toni and fangs themselves like it

 **Fangs:** OFF TOPIC AGAIN

 **Fangs:** can someone just help me out?

 **Fangs:** preferably toni?

 **tiny TOPaz:** no can do soldier im trying to comfort my girl but i checked the chat cause y’all are like vultures and she’s peeing

 **Cher Bear:** I personally don’t think they needed to be informed of such actions.

 **betty snooper:** XD

 **tiny TOPaz:** anyway bye fangs lemme know what you choose

 **Fangs:** istg if someone doesn’t help me i’ll just wear that button up hawaiian shirt to whatever it is we’re all going to

 **peapod:** omg

 **ronnie:** boi you’ll be rejected at the door

 **betty snooper:** Oh my gosh guys let him do what he wants

 **that’s gay:** FANGS NO

 **that’s gay:** OK OK ILL COMING TO HELP YOU DAMN

 **hobo:**  Lol he really panicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments on this fic! Personally, I’m a Choni shipper, so naturally there’s going to be a lot of them in this. However, if anyone would like to see more of a certain ship inside of this, then simply comment :) 
> 
> Also, I’m currently working on a different, not chat-fic, so I may not update this one as much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s snowing, Bughead is a good detective duo, and everyone’s done with Sweet Pea’s shit.

**_> that’s gay to “i’ll just beat him to death” <_ **

**Tuesday, 10:52 pm**

 

 **that’s gay** : guys!!!

 **hobo:** What

 **Fangs:** yes dear

 **peapod:** woah fangs

 **Fangs:**?

 **that’s gay:** LOOK OUTSIDE!!

 **hobo:** But why

 **betty snooper:** Jug before you come back to bed can you bring an extra blanket with you there’s supposed to be a cold front coming tonight

 **hobo:** Sure

 **justin gingerlake:** aw man does this mean we’re gonna have to wait a few months to go swimming again

 **peapod:** i mean endless you want to freeze your ass off in cher’s pool

 **Cher Bear:** I already told you to stop calling me that.

 **tiny TOPaz:** OMG ITS SNOWING!!

 **betty snooper:** Wait what

 **pussy cat:** it is??

 **that’s gay:** YES

 **justin gingerlake:** iT IS

 **Fangs:** it hasn’t snowed here in like two years!

**_> that’s gay has named the conversation “ITS SNOWING!!” <_ **

**pussy cat:** omg it is! aww i wish i was with you archibald

 **that’s gay:** same @ fangs

 **tiny TOPaz:** same with my cher bear

 **hobo:** Ha I’m with Betty

 **Fangs:** no one asked

 **Cher Bear:** I wish you were here too TT, it’s really cold.

 **tiny TOPaz:** aw babe :/ i’ll come now if you want

 **Cher Bear:** Are you crazy? It’s super cold outside, and the roads could be iced over.

 **tiny TOPaz:** crazy in love

 **Cher Bear:** <3

 **Fangs:** we’ve driven in worse weather

 **tiny TOPaz:** ^^

 **peapod:** haha glad i have my nice warm truck to drive in

 **tiny TOPaz:** again, no one asked

 **justin gingerlake:** video82847.png ( _Vegas is running around in the snow.)_

 **pussy cat:** aww i love your dog

 **Cher Bear:** Same!

 **betty snooper:** Maybe it’ll snow during winter formal!

 **pussy cat:** idk how i feel about that

 **ronnie:** ^^

 **that’s gay:** i think it’d be lovely if it snowed that day

 **justin gingerlake:** but now this means we have to wait for like four months till we can swim in cher’s pool again

 **betty snooper:** Not necessarily, it was super hot on Sat.

 **pussy cat:** the weather is so strange in this wack ass town

 **ronnie:** yeah we should’ve just moved ages ago

 **tiny TOpaz:** OMG DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS CHER?

 **Cher Bear:** Oh no.

 **Fangs:**?

 **pussy cat:** what

 **tiny TOPaz:** pictures!!

 **Cher Bear:** :(

 **ronnie:** uh.. cheryl u good

 **that’s gay:** damn what’s wrong with cheryl she loves being the center of attention

 **pussy cat:** ngl was wondering that exact same thing

 **justin gingerlake:** same

 **tiny TOPaz:** lol i think i wore it out of her

 **peapod:** how the fuck did you manage to do that

 **ronnie:** yeah

 **hobo:** I don’t think that’s actually possible?

 **Fangs:** were talking about cheryl right

 **pussy cat:** yeah idk what crack your on but that’s not possible

 **peapod:** idk either but hit me up

 **Cher Bear:** You guys are mean.

 **pussy cat:** i don’t mean to be mean but.. it’s you.. and you’re like, most likely to run her own dramatic reality show out of practically everyone in the entire school

 **Cher Bear:** Well, it was pleasuring in the beginning, but she’s already gone through somewhere around six rolls of film in less than a month solely from taking photographs of me.

 **pussy cat:** oh damn

 **tiny TOPaz:** it’s not my fault your so damn picture worthy!! especially in the snow, i can already see your hair contrasting great with it

 **justin gingerlake:** she has a point

 **pussy cat:** you too archie

 **tiny TOPaz:** we could have a redhead picture shoot!!

 **pussy cat:** that’d be cool

 **peapod:** lol tiny’s such a nerd about this

 **tiny TOPaz:** shut up peapod

 **Cher Bear:** Ehh..

 **tiny TOPaz:** i love you!!

 **Cher Bear:** Okay, fine. I love you too.

 **peapod:** whipped

 **that’s gay:** that’s gay

 **betty snooper:** Juggie hurry and come to bed, it’s too cold in here.

 **Fangs:** juggie come home the kids miss you

**_> hobo has removed Fangs from the conversation < _ **

**peapod:** LMAO

 **justin gingerlake:** lol

 **pussy cat:** oof

 **betty snooper:** I don’t get it?

 **ronnie:** betty..

 **Cher Bear:** Even I get it.

 **that’s gay:** hey we should do something after the winter formal this friday

 **tiny TOPaz:** oh shit i forgot about that i still need a dress

 **peapod:** toni being last minute, what else is new

 **tiny TOPaz:** like you’re not

 **justin gingerlake:** yeah let’s do something after

 **Cher Bear:** We just had a mass sleepover this past Saturday, I don’t think my mental capacity is strong enough to handle that of all of you again.

 **peapod:** you know you love us

 **Cher Bear:** Debatable, but not currently up for debate.

 

-

 

**_> betty snooper to “i’ll just beat him to death” <_ **

**Wednesday, 7:15 pm**

 

 **betty snooper:** Cher, did you know your mom is working at that weird maple club thing?

 **Cher Bear:** Unfortunately I've already been enlightened of that.

 **hobo:** Well that would’ve been nice to know considering we just spent the past three days figuring out something you already knew.

 **Cher Bear:** I apologize. I also already know that she’s met with Hiram Lodge at that fancy restaurant in Greendale, and that the last time she was hanging around the premises was Sunday morning.

 **tiny TOPaz:** what the fuck

 **tiny TOPaz:** i thought emancipation made sure she couldn’t come anywhere near you anymore

 **Cher Bear:** It doesn’t. It just says she no longer has any ownership over me or Thistlehouse, but my father left Thornhill in her name.

 **Cher Bear:** I’d have to take it to court if I wanted a restraining order.

 **pussy cat:** wait so we could’ve gotten arrested when we were at that pool??

 **peapod:** woah, we’re such ReBeLs!!

 **pussy cat:** for your sake i’m choosing to ignore you

 **ronnie:** ugh of course my father is involved in this

 **ronnie:** i have no idea what he’s planning anymore, he’s never even home tbh

 **betty snooper:** Maybe try listening around when he’s home, then, it could help. Anyway, me and Jug were just at the place a few hours ago and we didn’t hear anything that could help.

 **Cher Bear:** It’s okay, thanks for trying.

 **tiny TOPaz:** :/

 **hobo:** Oh we’re still gonna keep trying, we just had to leave before anyone wondered what two seventeen year old’s were doing at that crackhouse.

 **betty snooper:** ^^

 **Cher Bear:** Wow, really? Thanks guys, I really owe you.

 **betty snooper:** You’re welcome Cher :) and you don’t owe us a thing

 **hobo:** Except maybe like a Pops cheese burger.

 **betty snooper:** Jug!

 **Cher Bear:** Lol sure.

 **peapod:** this hurts my eyes

 **pussy cat:** what does

 **justin gingerlake:** same

 **peapod:** watching that entire conversation go down with like perfect grammar

 **betty snooper:** :(

**_> peapod has added Fangs to the conversation <_ **

**hobo:** DANG WE REALLY FORGOT HIM

 **pussy cat:** does it not cross anyone’s mind that y’all could get arrested

 **Fangs:** what’s happening

 **ronnie:** whatever, i think that it’s nice what they’re doing

 **justin gingerlake:** there’s two types of people in this chat

 **tiny TOPaz:** i think most of us have been stuck in worse situations, tbh. except you jojo siwa

 **pussy cat:** yeah, i’m starting to see that..

 **that’s gay:** what do y’all think was the worst situation

 **Fangs:** hmm, that’s a lot of different options

 **hobo:** Yeah that’s too hard to choose from.

 **tiny TOPaz:** lmao remember that one time sweets accidentally lit half of mayor mccoys office on fire

 **peapod:** oh yeah

 **Fangs:** lmao how could we forget

 **ronnie:** how did you manage-

 **pussy cat:** THAT WAS YOU?!?!

 **justin gingerlake:** OOF

 **peapod:** damnit tiny

 **tiny TOPaz:** tuff

 **Fangs:** in his defense it happened like two years ago

 **betty snooper:** What were you guys even doing in mccoys office..

 **peapod:** we don’t speak of the past

 **hobo:** So it applies now but not when i accidentally revealed your name

 **peapod:** YOU DID NOT ACCIDENTALLY REVEAL MY NAME

 **that’s gay:** i’m so over the toxic masculinity in this group chat!

 **ronnie:** hey, that’s not cool :/

 **that’s gay:** lol

 **tiny TOPaz:** image10384.png ( _A_ _picture of Toni’s dress for the dance.)_

 **tiny TOPaz:** i got my dress

 **betty snooper:** Oh that’s looks good

 **pussy cat:** ^^

 **ronnie:** ^^ 

 **Cher Bear:** Omg! That’s such a beautiful dress! I know it’ll look so good on you!

 **tiny TOPaz:** it would look even better on the floor of your room

 **that’s gay:** that pickup line is so old

 **ronnie:** isn’t it supposed to be said the other way around..

 **tiny TOPaz:** i wasn’t about to miss that opportunity

 **that’s gay:** tbh im just glad fangs and toni aren’t showing up in those button up hawaiian shirts

 **tiny TOPaz:** speaking of which, mine went missing the other day, and i’m almost positive it was the same day after cheryl left that i realized it was missing

 **peapod:** LMAO

 **Fangs:** disappointed, but not surprised

 **that’s gay:** good, at least we have half of the set gone

 **tiny TOPaz:** -_-

 **Cher Bear:** I have no idea what you’re talking about babe.

 **tiny TOPaz:** that’s also what you say about my sweatshirts and flannel, and every time i find you wearing it or in your closet

 **peapod:** y’all still where flannel? isn't that a bit retro

 **betty snooper:** Wear*

 **that’s gay:** they’re lesbians, harold

 **betty snooper:** I thought Cheryl was the only lesbian here..

 **that’s gay:** ITS A MEME BETTY

 **peapod:** let's be real betty is a meme herself

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **hobo:** Betty’s not a meme. If anything, Archie is the meme of this chat

 **justin gingerlake:** what’s that supposed to mean??

 **Fangs:** it’s ok toni they’re just jealous over our button ups

 **Cher Bear:** Trust me, I’d rather touch the king hobo himself than wear that.

 **pussy cat:** oh wow she must hate that thing

 **hobo:** just when i thought we were on good terms

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **Cher Bear:** :)

 **ronnie:** i have also gotten a dress, betty convinced me i should just go to the dance despite not having a date

 **peapod:** you should let me take you

 **ronnie:** i thought you weren’t going

 **justin gingerlake:** stfu karen

 **justin gingerlake:** shit wrong chat

**_> peapod has changed justin gingerlake’s name to karen < _ **

**that’s gay:** ummm

 **peapod:** i’m not, but i’ll go if i get to escort a pretty girl ;)

 **that’s gay:** you should totally say yes veronica!

 **betty snooper:** Kev you’re aware we’re all in the same chat right

 **that’s gay:** shoot i mean for that to be dm

 **ronnie:** hmm

 **peapod:** just give me a chance

 **tiny TOPaz:** are they finally getting together

 **hobo:** I think so

 **karen:** pass the popcorn

 **betty snooper:** Wow, you guys really know how to ruin a moment

 **ronnie:** ok pea, hopefully i won’t regret this

 **peapod:** you won’t ;)

 **karen:** our group is all paired off now lol

 **that’s gay:** finally

 **Fangs:** oh yes

 **Cher Bear:** Who’s Karen..?

 **karen:** it’s archie

 **Fangs:** lol

 **karen:** how do i change my name

 **pussy cat:** poor archibald

 **karen:** josie can you change my name

 **peapod:** this is just like that one time

 **betty snooper:** IF YOU BRING UP JUG REVEALING YOUR NAME I SWEAR

 **peapod:** that’s exactly what i was gonna say

 **Fangs:** dang even betty is done with your shit lmao

 **tiny TOPaz:** omg move on it literally happened so long ago

 **pussy cat:** yeah that was so last week it’s not even funny anymore

 **peapod:** don’t tell me to move on antoinette!

 **tiny TOPaz:** wtf?

 **karen:** who’s antoinette

 **that’s gay:** yeah

 **tiny TOPaz:** idk

 **Fangs:** wow

 **ronnie:** lmaooo

 **that’s gay:** peapod who are you talking to

 **pussy cat:** are y’all really that slow

 **betty snooper:** Wait.. Antoinette, Toni..

 **that’s gay:** toni’s real name is antoinette?

 **tiny TOPaz:** no

 **Cher Bear:** Yeah. Pretty, right?

 **that’s gay:** yeah no offense toni i thought it was gonna be as bad as sweet peas but that was just a huge let down

 **karen:** ^

 **tiny TOPaz:**!!!

 **betty snooper:** ohh so that’s why you spell toni like that and not tony

 **that’s gay:** while we’re revealing names we should totally hear fangs’ name

 **Fangs:** NO

 **peapod:** oh yes

 **hobo:** Yeah even i don’t know that one

 **Fangs:** why are y’all so focused on mine

 **Fangs:** why not like.. betty’s

 **betty snooper:**?? How do you not know my real name?

 **karen:** you fuys are something else

 **pussy cat:** “fuys”

 **karen:** josie :(

 **pussy cat:** <3

 **Fangs:** i just properly met you like a week ago

 **pussy cat:** yeah um.. everyone here should have known betty long enough to know her name and or have enough common sense to just figure it out

 **Fangs:** what is it?

 **peapod:** bethany?

 **Fangs:** bettunia?

 **betty snooper:** It’s Elizabeth!

 **Fangs:** oh cheryl told me it was bettunia

 **peapod:** yeah i think i heard that too

 **ronnie:** lmao wtf cheryl

 **betty snooper:** Cheryl you didn’t know my name?

 **Cher Bear:** Of course I was knowledgeable enough to know your name, cousin, Bettunia just sounds comical.

 **that’s gay:** fangs!! stop trying to change the subject on someone else

 **Fangs:** i cant help it y’all are so easy to distract

 **tiny TOPaz:** wait so is betty’s name bettunia or elizabeth?

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation <_ **

**hobo:** Guys -_-

**_> hobo has added betty snooper to the conversation <_ **

**peapod:** yeah i still don’t know what her name is

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Riverdale watching tonight!


	7. Chapter 7

**_> hobo to “ITS SNOWING!!” <_ **

**Thursday, 8:28 pm**

 

 **hobo:** You guys would come to my funeral if I died, right?

 **peapod:** what even

 **betty snooper:** Yes! Of course! Why wouldn’t we?

 **karen:** of coirse i would

 **Fangs:** yeah same

 **ronnie:** why are you asking, and yeah i probably would

 **Cher Bear:** Well, you probably wouldn’t come to mine if I were to pass before you, so the answer is no.

 **peapod:** LMAO

 **pussy cat:** oooof

 **betty snooper:** Cheryl!!

 **peapod:** i mean she has a point

 **hobo:** -_-

 **tiny TOPaz:** i don’t know if i should reply to that

 **betty snooper:** Omg

 **hobo:** And just as i was starting to believe cheryl actually has feelings..

 **Cher Bear:** Feelings are for the weak.

 **hobo:** Ngl i agree

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **karen:** not true

 **pussy cat:** aww archibald <3

 **karen:** <3333

 **Cher Bear:** Of course it’s true.

 **Cher Bear:** All they ever do is pull you down.

 **Cher Bear:** They are completely and utterly worthless, so I simply don’t have them.

 **tiny TOPaz:** babe you cuddle with a giant stuffed bear whenever i’m not there

 **Cher Bear:** TONI!!

 **peapod:** LMAOOOO

 **Fangs:** damn exposed

 **hobo:** Haha

 **pussy cat:** lol so that’s why that big ass pink bear is always sitting on your bed

 **betty snooper:** Oh yeah i’ve seen that one lol

 **that’s gay:** aww that’s so cute

**_> Cher Bear has left the conversation < _ **

**Fangs:** lol it really is

 **karen:** what’d i miss

 **pussy cat:** archie why do you never know what’s going on

 **karen:** idk you guys either don’t text at all or text like a bunch of messages in one minute

**_> tiny TOPaz has added Cher Bear to the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** why is archie’s name karen

 **pussy cat:** i was wondering the same thing

 **karen:** well sweet pea changed it and idk how to change it back

**_> hobo has changed karen’s name to Red <_ **

**Red:** ahh, not the name literally every single living redhead has ever been called

 **peapod:** every living redhead?

 **hobo:** What’s wrong with the dead ones

 **pussy cat:** ..excuse me?

 **Cher Bear:** Everyone with red hair. Even that strange new girl with the red hair got called that the other day, despite the fact that her locks aren’t nearly as luscious as mine, or even Archie’s.

 **Red:** gee thanks cheryl

 **Cher Bear:** You're very welcome.

 **pussy cat:** new girl?

 **tiny TOPaz:** what new girl

 **that’s gay:** THE new girl

 **hobo:** Who

 **Fangs:** her name being..?

 **betty snooper:** Evelyn Evernever. She kind of creeps me out tbh.  

 **peapod:** of course betty, cheryl, and kevin already know “the new girl”

 **ronnie:** i think i’ve seen her! girl gives me weird vibes

 **pussy cat:** ohhh i know her

 **Cher Bear:** Sort of like Pea Pod.

 **peapod:** shut up bear cuddler

 **Cher Bear:** Ugh Toniiiii, I cannot believe you would betray me like this.

 **betty snooper:** Lol V remember when you were the new girl?

 **ronnie:** ugh yes don’t remind me of that dreadful time

 **tiny TOPaz:** sorry babe, but it had to be said

 **pussy cat:** like we didn’t already know cheryl had feelings

 **peapod:** josie you’re legit like the only other person besides toni who actually sees cheryl have “feelings”

 **Cher Bear:** You know what else should be said?

 **Red:** what

 **betty snooper:** What?

 **Cher Bear:** When it’s cold outside, Toni likes to be the little spoon.

 **tiny TOPaz:** CHERYL!!!!!!

 **tiny TOPaz:** YOU PROMISED ME YOU wOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE THAT

 **Cher Bear:** That was before you exposed me of cuddling with a bear!!

 **Fangs:** LMAO WHAT

 **peapod:** IM NEVER LETTING YOU LIVE THAT DOWN

 **tiny TOPaz:** SKDIWHXUWJR SHUT UP SOLOMON IT'S ONLY SOMETIMES

 **that’s gay:** we been knew

 **that’s gay:** toni may be the top to cheryl’s bottom, but she’s way to small to spoon someone

 **betty snooper:** Too*

 **tiny TOPaz:** that’s actually not true i spoon cheryl all the time

 **Cher Bear:** I'M NOT A BOTTOM!!

 **hobo:** Toni TOPaz who?

 **pussy cat:** oh jughead you already missed this conversation

 **that’s gay:** yeah we settled on cheryl being a bottom

 **Cher Bear:** No we didn’t!

 **Cher Bear:** And call me a bottom one more time, and I’ll dick down your mother and your stepmother.

 **pussy cat:** lmaooo

 **pussy cat:** WAIT THATS MY MOM

 **that’s gay:** oh god

 **peapod:** lmaoo

 **Red:** y’all are weird

 **betty snooper:** Your dick?

 **tiny TOPaz:** it’s spiritual

 **peapod:** OOF

 **ronnie:** woah that’s the first time i’ve ever seen betty and cheryl use the word dick

 **that’s gay:** same..

 **hobo:** Okay I think that’s enough of “exposing” each other tonight..

 **tiny TOPaz:** shut up jugdead you let betty wear your beanie

 **hobo:** Betty I told you not to tell anyone how does toni know that

 **betty snooper:** I only told Veronica!

 **ronnie:** well i mean you didn’t tell me not to tell anyone..?

 **Fangs:** ooof everyone’s getting exposed

 **that’s gay:** you know what else should get exposed?

 **Fangs:** NO!!

 **tiny TOPaz:** YES

 **that’s gay:** YES!!!!

 **Red:** what

 **Fangs:** archie used to dye his eyebrows red when he was younger cause his black eyes brows looked weird

 **that’s gay:** oh wow?

 **pussy cat:** LMAO WHAT

 **Red:** why was i brought into this

 **Fangs:** cause i had to think of something quick and you happened to be there

 **betty snooper:** XD i remember helping him with that!

 **ronnie:** archie why

 **peapod:** this is what happens when you sell jingle jangle to the northsiders

 **pussy cat:** excuse me??

 **Cher Bear:** May I ask why Fangs, of all people, knows that?

 **Red:** yeah how do you know that

 **Fangs:** jughead told me

 **hobo:** Whoops?

 **pussy cat:** archibald i cannot that’s hilarious

 **Red:** but why am i always bullied by this group what have i ever done to deserve this 

 **Cher Bear:** Poor Archibald. 

 **that’s gay:** fangs stop changing the subject and just tell me your name!!

 **peapod:** yeah fangs you can’t try and change the subject last time

 **pussy cat:** at this point i wanna know to

 **betty snooper:** Too*

 **that’s gay:** who here knows it

 **peapod:** me and toni

 **tiny TOPaz:** you know what? i’m just gonna tell you guys

**_> Fangs has removed tiny TOPaz from the conversation <_ **

**Fangs:** NO

 **peapod:** oof..?

 **ronnie:** okay this is getting old

 **Cher Bear:** Agreed. How did this conversation even start again?

 **Cher Bear:** Actually, refrain from answering that.

**_> Cher Bear has added tiny TOPaz to the conversation <_ **

**tiny TOPaz:** okay okay jeeze i won’t say anything

 **Fangs:** just forget you ever knew

 **Red:** i feel like it’s all hyped up but then it’s just gonna be a let down like antoinette

 **tiny TOPaz:** hey!!

 **that’s gay:** hhh i wanna know :/

 **Fangs:** sorry babe

 **ronnie:** ANYWAY b tomorrow I’m coming over to yours after school so we can get ready

 **betty snooper:** Okay, can you bring your curling iron i left mine at Cheryl’s

 **ronnie:** sure

 **pussy cat:** yeah cher i’m heading over to yours tomorrow

 **Cher Bear:** Okay, as long as you don’t mind Toni getting ready there.

 **pussy cat:** as long as y’all don’t do anything to harm my virgin eyes again

 **betty snooper:** Again??

 **tiny TOPaz:** no promises ( ˘ ³˘)

 **Red:** lololol

 **betty snooper:** Okay then..

 **Cher Bear:** TT!

 **ronnie:** toni you’re such a guy sometimes

 **Red:** what's that supposed to mean

 **Cher Bear:** I know right, sometimes she acts like a thirteen year old boy.

 **tiny TOPaz:** hey :/

 **Fangs:** ngl kevin does too

 **that’s gay:** -_-

 **peapod:** shit does this mean it’s just gonna be me and you fangs

 **Fangs:** crap do you know how to tie a tie man cause toni always does mine

 **peapod:** no but your mom might

 **Fangs:** your right

 **betty snooper:** You’re*

 **pussy cat:** y’all are such a mess

 

-

**_> Red to “ITS SNOWING!!” <_ **

**Friday, 11:48 am**

 

 **Red:** did you guys know that cheryl’s never tried hotdogs?

 **Cher Bear:** Archie..

 **peapod:** WHAT

 **Fangs:** what on earth

 **betty snooper:** Impossible

 **hobo:** Woah man who are you

 **pussy cat:** i knew that

 **that’s gay:** and you didn’t tell us?

 **tiny TOPaz:** cher is that true?

 **Red:** nor has she had chicken nuggets

 **ronnie:** damn even i’ve had chicken nuggets

 **peapod:** what the actual fuck

 **hobo:** Wow..

 **that’s gay:** omg

 **Red:** Apologies, I was kidding.

 **pussy cat:**??

 **peapod:** i’m so confused

 **hobo:** Ha fake, Archie doesn’t type like that!

 **betty snooper:** ^

 **Fangs:** same

 **Red:** sorry cheryl got my phone

 **tiny TOPaz:** where even are y’all

 **Cher Bear:** We were in the library to get a head start on our English project, but this degenerate male changed the subject and somehow me never having eaten a variety of foods escaped my mouth.

 **ronnie:** so it is true

 **pussy cat:** i just told y’all it was damn

 **hobo:** Damn I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to you again

 **Cher Bear:** Please, gladly do so.

 **hobo:** -_-

 **tiny TOPaz:** cher, don’t be mean

 **ronnie:** yoy know what this means right?

 **that’s gay:** for once i’m gonna have to agree with jughead

 **Cher Bear:** Hm?

 **ronnie:** after the formal tonight we should have a sleepover with the girls at betty’s and get all the stuff cher’s never tried

 **that’s gay:** i see how it is :/

 **betty snooper:** Yes sure Veronica, you can just come over and invite everyone else -_-

 **pussy cat:** i’m in

 **betty snooper:** Kev you can come too

 **that’s gay:** yay!

 **Cher Bear:** But that’s like.. a full twenty four hours around you plebeians.

 **betty snooper:** Even if it’s just the girls and Kevin?

 **Cher Bear:** Ehh..

 **tiny TOPaz:** don’t worry veornica i’ll convince her

 **betty snooper:** Lol Veornica

 **ronnie:** great!

 **pussy cat:** nice

 **that’s gay:** :)

 **Cher Bear:** As much as I’d like to continue this conversation, the bell is about to ring. Toodles!

 **hobo:** Why do i feel like there was sarcasm written all over that

 **betty snooper:** XD

 **pussy cat:** lmao

 **Red:** wait cheryl can you come back you just left me to carry all of this myself

 **Red:** … cheryl?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to keep things original, but I keep coming up with ideas and then realizing it’s on another riverdale chat fic, so hopefully no one has done anything i’ve done so far. However the part with Cheryl threatening to dick down Kevin’s mother, credit goes to an insta post I saw.


	8. Chapter 8

**_> betty snooper to “ITS SNOWING” <_ **

**Friday** , **4:12 pm**

 

 **betty snooper:** V where are you, we’re gonna leave in like less than two hours?

 **ronnie:** we just got out of school like five minutes ago

 **pussy cat:** lmao i’m already at cheryl’s and it’s further than betty’s house

 **ronnie:** leT ME GRAB MY STUFF DAMN

 **Red:** why are y’all already getting ready it starts at like eight or something

 **peapod:** ikr

 **betty snooper:** Jug is picking me up around six though

 **pussy cat:** archibald andrews it starts at seven, AND we’re going early to help ?

 **Red:** oh right

 **that’s gay:** yeah who picked that horrible theme

 **betty snooper:** I think it was Cheryl, she’s student body president.

 **Cher Bear:** What? Do you ghouls really think I’d be the one pick out such a hideous theme? That prize goes to Jughead and his band of hooligans.

 **peapod:** someone’s a little more on edge than usual

 **Cher Bear:** Shut it Pea Pod.

 **peapod:** :/

 **tiny TOPaz:** cher..

 **Cher Bear:** Sorry..

 **hobo:** Woah did Toni just get Cheryl to apologize?

 **Fangs:** what has happened??

 **that’s gay:** she must be more whipped than i thought

 **tiny TOPaz:** you guys aren’t helping -_-

 **Cher Bear:**...

 **betty snooper:** V have you left yet?

 **ronnie:** b i swear give me like two minutes

 **betty snooper:** I need to start my hair!

 **that’s gay:** damn even i’m not gonna start getting ready this early

 **Fangs:** ikr i think it’s a girl thing

 **Red:** probably

 **tiny TOPaz:** excuse me? i still don’t even have any idea what i’m gonna do except my dress

 **Cher Bear:** TT..

 **pussy cat:** yeah well y’all should probably start because i know we gotta leave early and last time i tried to get ready in the same house as y’all you guys got distracted numerous times

 **betty snooper:** Oh

 **Cher Bear:** That’s because Toni acts like a horny dog twenty four seven.

 **tiny TOPaz:** well when you’re dating the girl with the best proclaimed ass in riverdale it’s kind of hard not to

 **Cher Bear:** TT!

 **tiny TOPaz:** <333

 **that’s gay:** anyway

 **ronnie:** betty i’m outside your house can you come get me bc i don’t think your mom likes me

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **hobo:** I don’t think she likes me either

 **Cher Bear:** She hates me.

 **Cher Bear:** So does Polly. They never let me see the twins.

 **tiny TOPaz:** i’m sorry babe

 **Red:** she doesnt like me either

 **peapod:** wow mama cooper really just be out here hating everyone

 **pussy cat:** i’ve never even formally met her

 **that’s gay:** lmao she loves me

 **ronnie:** stop flexing your privileges kevin

 **Fangs:** everyone like s you

 **ronnie:** betttyyyyyy commmeeee getttyttttt meeeeee

 **betty snooper:** Ok

 **betty snooper:** Also Cheryl, Polly asked me to babysit the twins tomorrow night, if you want you can come over then? She’s doing some weird thing at the farm she lives at now.

 **pussy cat:** farm? there’s a farm in riverdale?

 **betty snooper:** Apparently.

 **that’s gay:** ooo is it a gang? i wanna join

 **betty snooper:** Kev you don’t wanna join lol, it’s creepy from what I hear

 **Fangs:** nice i’ll join too

 **tiny TOPaz:** why tf would y’all wanna join a farm

 **betty snooper:** Yeah from what I’ve heard, they’re like a really creepy cult.

 **tiny TOPaz:** same

 **that’s gay:** and that’s,, the mother fucking,, tea

**_> pussy cat has removed that’s gay from the conversation <_ **

**pussy cat:** im sorry but i just can’t

 **Fangs:** heyyyy that may have been a horrible reference but no need to get aggressive

**_> Fangs has added that’s gay to the conversation <_ **

**Cher Bear:** Really Betty? Do you think Polly would let me?

 **betty snooper:** I mean she doesn’t have to know

 **Cher Bear:** Thank you so much, I’ve been wanting to meet Jason’s kids for so long!

 **Cher Bear:** You're my favorite cousin again. :)

 **betty snooper:** :)

 **betty snooper:** Wait when was I not-

 **tiny TOPaz:** can i come i was gonna be with her tomorrow anyway

 **betty snooper:** Of course, I didn’t know how i was gonna deal with two kids anyway.

 **ronnie:** this is heart warming and all, but betty can you PLEASE come get me

 **ronnie:** this guy in the house in front of you has been staring at me

 **Red:** oh that’s robert, he’s chill but he can be a crackhead sometimes

 **ronnie:** bETTY

 **betty snooper:** Veronica I’m literally right outside your car get off your phone

 **ronnie:** oh hi

 **hobo:** Say hi to her madre for me!

 **Fangs:** since when does jughead know spanish he’s like the whitest person here

 **ronnie:** lol idk

 **tiny TOPaz:** ohhh are we talking about hot mama cooper again

 **betty snooper:** Stop that

 **peapod:** wait is betty’s mom that really blunt blonde lady that works at the register

 **hobo:** Yeah, she used to run with the Serpents.

 **Fangs:** oh damnnn

 **peapod:** ngl she’s hot too

 **Red:** uhhhhh

 **Fangs:** 10/10 smash

 **that’s gay:** FANGS

 **Fangs:** lol ily

 **that’s gay:** ….i love u 2

 **peapod:** ew

 **hobo:** Betty’s mom scares me.

 **Red:** you already said that

 **peapod:** no that was veronica

 **that’s gay:** i can’t think of her like that lol 

 **Red:** i thought jug said that

 **peapod:** no, that was veronica

 **that’s gay:** no, this is patrick

 **Fangs:** LMAO

 **hobo:**???

 **Red:** what

 **that’s gay:** why does no one get my references, like i understand the lesbian and betty one but this is freaking spongebob

 **peapod:** “freaking”

 **peapod:** also i get that reference, everyone should

 **that’s gay:** exactly!!

 **Fangs:** yeah if you don’t know what thats from your just straight up like

 **Fangs:** wrong

 **that’s gay:** i’m not straight and neither are you

 **hobo:** I never watched spongebob because i didn’t have enough money for a TV

 **that’s gay:** oh

 **peapod:** o

 **Fangs:** well we should’ve seen that coming

 **Red:** way to go kevin

**_> peapod has changed that’s gay’s name to kevsin _ **

**kevsin:** :(

 **pussy cat:** damn the girls leave for two seconds and this happens

 **Cher Bear:** Josie can you please get off your phone and zip up my dress?

 **kevsin:** why didn’t you just tell her if you’re in the same room

 **Cher Bear:** Because she ignores me as soon as she gets on her phone.

 **tiny TOPaz:** jojo pay attention to my girlfriend you made me leave to go get you coffee

 **pussy cat:** yeah idk how you’re gonna carry that back on your bike

 **tiny TOPaz:**..i didn’t think this through

 **betty snooper:** I’m sorry Jug :(

 **hobo:** Lol It’s fine Betts, I just wanted Kev to feel bad.

 **kevsin:** :(

 **Fangs:** hey! turn that frown upside down!

 **kevsin:** ):

 **Fangs:** not what i meant

 **Red:** also josie i’ll pick you up in about an hour and a half if that’s ok

 **Red:** i may or may not have a surprise waiting

 **pussy cat:** i can’t wait :)

 

-

 

**_> kevsin to “ITS SNOWING!!” <_ **

**Friday, 7:26 pm**

 

**_> kevsin has named the conversation “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Red:** idk me and josie have been here since six

 **kevsin:** me and fangs are here, but it’s already crowded and he went to go get us some punch

 **betty snooper:** Me and Jug are in line

 **hobo:** ^^

 **betty snooper:** Also heads up, the punch is probably spiked.

 **tiny TOPaz:** lmao not surprised

 **tiny TOPaz:** also me and cheryl just got here and uh.. veronica and sweet pea are here too

 **betty snooper:** Where are they

 **hobo:** Not sure if I wanna know.

 **that’s gay:** ARE THEY

 **tiny TOPaz:** yeah they’re making out in the backseat of pea’s truck

 **that’s gay:** I KNEW IT

 **Cher Bear:** Sadly, I had the misfortune of seeing some things I never want to see again.

 **betty snooper:** Woah they’re going there?

 **Fangs:** oh damn

 **kevsin:** and in public dang

 **pussy cat:** uh yeah kevin and fangs again you guys cannot be talking

 **tiny TOPaz:** omg no it looked PG13, but cheryl says that every time she sees a heterosexual couple kissing

 **kevsin:** oh lmao

 **Red:** haha

 **pussy cat:** yeah the punch is spiked

 **ronnie:** omg you guys are stalkers

 **betty snooper:** Nobody drink!!

 **tiny TOPaz:** lmao like that’s gonna happen

 **betty snooper:** Fine, I'll be the only one then.

 **ronnie:** wait is betty driving the girls + kev home

 **tiny TOPaz:** well i mean we all left our stuff there already so why not, i can leave my bike here

 **pussy cat:** yeah archie drove me

 **betty snooper:** Sure

 **tiny TOPaz:** nice that means we can get drunk tonight

 **Cher Bear:** Babe -_-

 **tiny TOPaz:** lol i’m joking, no one’s gonna get drunk off of spiked punch anyway

 **ronnie:** lmao cheryl could

 **pussy cat:** yeah probably

 **Cher Bear:**?

 **kevsin:** yeah noah fence cheryl but you’re definitely the biggest lightweight here

 **Cher Bear:** Not true.

 **peapod:** lmao

 **betty snooper:** What's that?

 **pussy cat:** omg betty even archie knows what that is

 **Cher Bear:** Whatever, don’t worry cousin if everyone wants to get drunk I’ll stay sober with you.

 **betty snooper:** Thanks Cher

 **peapod:** yeah yeah whatever, let's get into tonight!

-

 

**_> betty snooper to “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Saturday, 12:52 am**

 

 **betty snooper:** Okay who’s idea was it to come to Chuck Clayton’s after party again?

 **hobo:** Kevin’s.

 **pussy cat:** of course this was kevin’s idea

 **Fangs:** yeah well half of the group is missing and or drunk

 **betty snooper:** Ok well I’m ready to go and i have no idea where cheryl, toni, and ronnie are

 **pussy cat:** i’m with archie out in back

 **Fangs:** toni’s with me, she’s been looking for cheryl for like the past hour

 **Fangs:** kevin went to the restroom but that was like twenty minutes ago?

 **hobo:** I am never coming to one of these again.

 **peapod:** im wtih ron she is with me

 **ronnie:** fangs, have you had anything to drink?

 **Fangs:** no ma’am

 **ronnie:** do you thjnk you can drive sweet pea home

 **ronnie:** preferably in his truck

 **Fangs:** yeah course, where are y’all

 **ronnie:** in the dining room thing

 **betty snooper:** K I found Kevin, he was talking to the cheerleaders

 **Fangs:** lol not surprised

 **betty snooper:** Ronnie and josie i’m waiting by the front if y’all wanna come

 **tiny TOPaz:** has anyone seen cheryl

 **kevsin:** i saw her about five minutes ago in the back, we should probably find her because she’s been drinking quite a bit

 **tiny TOPaz:** shit

 **hobo:** LMAO DRUNK CHERYL IS HILARIOUS

 **tiny TOPaz:** shut the fuck up

 **betty snooper:** Okay, lets just try and find her then, because I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who hasn’t had anything at all to drink and I’m gonna be too tired to drive if we stay much longer.

 **ronnie:** aye aye captain

 **Red:** is cheryl a dangerous drunk? or embarrassing?

 **pussy cat:** emotional wreck drunk

 **kevsin:** ^

 **Fangs:** didn’t cheryl say she wasn’t gonna drink

 **Red:** yeah well i think it started when kevin challenged her to a drinking game

 **Fangs:** why would she accept she’s like the biggest lightweight here

 **pussy cat:** once again, the series of unfortunate events are kevin’s fault

 **kevsin:** :(

 **tiny TOPaz:** guys get off your phone and look

 **peapod:** lmoa u guys r hilahxiega

 **hobo:** Why am I not surprised that he’s drunk too

 **Fangs:** cause it’s not surprising?

 **hobo:** Rhetorical question

 **Cher Bear:** ttt i miss ou

 **Cher Bear:** i wanna kisd yo

 **tiny TOPaz:** CHERYL

 **tiny TOPaz:** baby where are you

 **Fangs:** whipped

 **Cher Bear:** im nout teling yu

 **tiny TOPaz:** please tell me

 **tiny TOPaz:** so i can kiss you

 **betty snooper:** Cher please I’m tired

 **hobo:** ^^

 **Cher Bear:** NO

 **kevsin:** ngl this is kind of funny to watch

 **pussy cat:** girl needs to get her shit together

 **betty snooper:** I just wanna go home

 **hobo:** Then leave?

 **betty snooper:** I cant I drove all the girls here

 **tiny TOPaz:** baby please just tell us where you are

 **Cher Bear:** cant i thimk i loss my phnoe

 **hobo:** I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you didn’t.

 **tiny TOPaz:** oh god 

 **ronnie:** hhhh fangs where are you sweet pea passed out

 **Fangs:** kevin i swear this is all your fault

 **Red:** it’s always kevin’s fault

 **kevsin:** toni i found her

 **tiny TOPaz:** wHERE

 **betty snooper:** Good

 **tiny TOPaz:** is she okay??

 **hobo:** Oh thank god, i just want to get the hell out of this place

 **betty snooper:** Agreed.

 **kevsin:** yeah she’s fine, y’all wanna meet at the front cause i have no idea where betty’s car is

 **pussy cat:** sure

 **tiny TOPaz:** kev where are you

 **kevsin:** i got her and josie’s with me toni just go to the front

 **pussy cat:** ^^

 **tiny TOPaz:** fine

 **Cher Bear:** tt

 **Cher Bear:** ive been loking for you

 **Cher Bear:** tttttttt

 **tiny TOPaz:** i’ve been looking for you too babe

 **hobo:** This crackhead-

 **tiny TOPaz:** shut up shithead

 **Cher Bear:** i lov yu so muchh an i misd youre hair

 **tiny TOPaz:** i love you too cher

 **Cher Bear:** j love u fuys to

 **betty snooper:** We love you too Cher! <333

 **ronnie:** i love you too

 **Fangs:** awww

 **Red:** i love you too red buddy

 **hobo:** I suppose I care for you a smidge 

 **pussy cat:** did i just see fangs stuff shrimp in the pocket of his pants

 **Fangs:** yes you did and i have no shame

 **ronnie:** FANGS I NEED HELP WITH YOUR BEST FRJEND AND YOU'RE STUFFING YOURSELF WITH SHRIMP

 **Cher Bear:** yoi guys are bes$$$

 **hobo:** Damn, she must be intoxicated.

 **tiny TOPaz:** can you not

 **Cher Bear:** $$$

 **Fangs:** damn she’s flexing her rich privileges on us

 **Red:** at least we know how she really feels about us lol

 **pussy cat:** ha i told you guys she has feelings

 **hobo:** I guess.

 **ronnie:** kev hurry up i wanna leave

 **kevsin:** dO ONE OF YALL WANNA COME OVER HERE AND DRAG HER YOURSELF BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS HARD

 **tiny TOPaz:** drag?????

 **kevsin:** not literally but she keeps stopping and telling everyone she knows she loves them

 **pussy cat:** yeah she started crying because archie said he loves her too

 **ronnie:** oml

 **tiny TOPaz:** omfg my baby kevin hurry up

 **hobo:** Don’t forget to record this is amazing blackmail

 **pussy cat:** lmao kev just picked her up

 **pussy cat:** she’s such a mess prepare yourself

 **tiny TOPaz:** hey that’s my mess

 **ronnie:** aww

 **betty snooper:** Okay we got everyone now, no one is being left behind?

 **kevsin:** betty’s such a mom

 **hobo:** My mom ;)

 **ronnie:** jughead that’s disgusting

 **Fangs:** yeah i got pea, arch and jug just left and you have everyone else

 **betty snooper:** Ok good, please drive safely everyone!

 **ronnie:** damn mama bear betty snoop has been released from her cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk about y’all but that prom episode was disappointing aside from the few cute moments it had, and now i’m just scared for the next episode because of the promo


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t read the notes at the end if you haven’t seen today’s episode yet - and, this chapter wasn’t edited, so i apologize if there are any mistakes

**_> tiny TOPaz to “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Saturday, 11:47 am**

**tiny TOPaz:** hey betty do you have any sort of medication cheryl can take

**tiny TOPaz:** like ibuprofen or anything

**betty snooper:** Yes, hold on I’ll come get some for her.

**kevsin:** woah what time is it

**hobo:** Look on your phone that you’re holding right now..?

**ronnie:** fangs is sweets ok

**Fangs:** yeah, hungover but he’s good

**Cher Bear:** TT where’d you go?

**tiny TOPaz:** i went to get you some pills i’ll be right back

**Red:** am i the only one who didn’t drink anything

**betty snooper:** No, I didn’t drink anything either, and neither did Fangs.

**ronnie:** damn y’all have some good self control

**Fangs:** and the mighty queen has awoken!

**Fangs:** did you have fun last night cher?

**hobo:** Lol

**Cher Bear:** What’re you talking about?

**tiny TOPaz:** uh it’s probably best if you just wait for me to come back up babe and ignore them

**peapod:** idk what they’re talking about either

**ronnie:** probably because you were drunk off your feet last night

**peapod:** oh hi veronnie :)

**ronnie:** :)))

**kevsin:** aww #sweetvee is sailing

**kevsin:** #choni looks like you’ll have a competitor in my favorite ship category

**pussy cat:** damn what about me and archie

**betty snooper:** Or me and Jug..?

**kevsin:** uhhh

**Cher Bear:** What the fuck is a Choni?

**tiny TOPaz:** it’s our ship name babe!

**Cher Bear:** Why does it sound like a type of pasta?

**hobo:** Not as bad as Bughead.

**betty snooper:** Hey!! I came up with that!

**hobo:** You made us a ship name?

**betty snooper:** Alongside Veronica..

**hobo:** Okay, fine, I guess I can accept.

**betty snooper:** :)

**tiny TOPaz:** wait so v and pea slept together?

**ronnie:** what-

**betty snooper:** Kind of an inappropriate question..?

**kevsin:** i think so

**Fangs:** probably

**tiny TOPaz:** was it good

**pussy cat:** totally inappropriate

**Cher Bear:** Toni omg.

**Red:** lol

**peapod:** well i mean

**_> ronnie has removed tiny TOPaz from the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** anyway

**kevsin:** wait but now i’m curious

**Fangs:** yeah she just voiced what we were all thinking

**_> Fangs has added tiny TOPaz to the conversation <_ **

**betty snooper:** Uhh.. I was not thinking that.

**Cher Bear:** Neither was I.

**pussy cat:** same

**hobo:** Same

**Red:** idk where i stand i feel like if i answer truthfully josie will be mad

**pussy cat:** omg

**tiny TOPaz:** you guys are lame

**Fangs:** so they did sleep together?

**ronnie:** omg we didn’t sleep together you weirdos!!!

**peapod:** ^

**kevsin:** what’re friends for if we’re not snooping around in your life

**pussy cat:** um

**Cher Bear:** Okay.. back to before, what were you two talking about?

**Cher Bear:** Hobo and Pea Pod?

**ronnie:** you should probably read last night’s messages, you were a little drunk

**hobo:** Don’t you mean “yu”

**tiny TOPaz:** guys at least let me get her some pills before she self combusts

**kevsin:** cheryl lovvesss us

**hobo:** It was quite the unpopular theory, but it may have been proven to be correct.

**tiny TOPaz:** omg stop you guys

**betty snooper:** Yeah

**Cher Bear:** Unfortunately, it appears as of those messages marked a low point in my life.

**Cher Bear:** *If

**Cher Bear:** I apologize, never will I bestow upon those ranks again.

**Cher Bear:** Except for the one about you, TT.

**tiny TOPaz:** <3

**peapod:** i missed drunk cheryl?!

**Red:** unfortunately

**hobo:** Fortunately

**kevsin:** idk which one was worse to see

**Red:** definitely sweet pea

**pussy cat:** idk cher was crying the entire time and pea was just..

**betty snooper:** I told you guys not to drink!

**peapod:** wow ok thanks guys

**Fangs:** if you guys thought you saw the worst of it you didn’t, i had to take him home

**kevsin:** what happened

**peapod:** idek

**hobo:** Remind me not to attend a party with any of you ever again

**peapod:** aw it was fun

**kevsin:** ikr

**Cher Bear:** I’m gonna have to agree with beanie boy on this one.

**ronnie:** lol do either one of you even remember anything

**Cher Bear:** All I remember is kissing someone who was extremely gorgeous, so I’m assuming it was TT.

**tiny TOPaz:** aw babe, but we didn’t kiss after you got drunk, i spent like the rest of the time looking for you

**hobo:** Uh oh

**Fangs:** oof

**peapod:** press f to pay respects

**ronnie:** f

**peapod:** f

**Red:**?

**hobo:** F

**Fangs:** f

**pussy cat:** wow

**betty snooper:** Omg you guys

**kevsin:** oh cheryl you’re probably talking about whenever you kissed that mirror

**hobo:** LMAO

**Fangs:** LMFAOOO

**betty snooper:** XD

**pussy cat:** oh girl i think you worried toni for a moment there

**Red:** lol cheryl making out with a mirror is something i can see her doing

**tiny TOPaz:** whew

**Cher Bear:** What the fuck??

**Cher Bear:** Archie, you’re supposed to be the only good soul here who doesn’t bully me.

**Red:** sorry cheryl

**peapod:** umm that sentence is dripping in HYPOCRISY

**ronnie:** wow having cheryl around you guys really does improve your choice of vocabulary

**peapod:** hey :(

**betty snooper:** Where is everyone.. it’s already past twelve and I’ve only seen Toni because she needed some medicine for Cheryl.

**pussy cat:** uh yeah everyone’s just sitting on their phones in the spare rooms

**ronnie:** i’m too lazy to get up

**tiny TOPaz:** cheryl’s hungover

**kevsin:** same ronnie

**betty snooper:** Tell Cheryl if she wants I can make her waffles and eggs to help! Especially since you two are helping me watch the twins tonight.

**peapod:** youre too nice

**tiny TOPaz:** got it

**tiny TOPaz:** cheryl said if you think she’s still watching the twins “whilst hungover you’re psychotic”

**ronnie:** oh damn

**betty snooper:** :(

**hobo:** I’d help you watch the twins, but I have to help Archie and his dad w/ something tonight.

**pussy cat:** rip betty

**kevsin:** tuff

**Red:** sorry betty!

**peapod:** lmao this probably wouldn’t have happened if kevin hadn’tthoufht it was a good idea to go to that party yesyrrday

**pussy cat:** wtf is your typing

**kevsin:** can y’all stop blaming everything on me :(

**hobo:** As soon as you stop giving us a reason to put the blame on you

**Fangs:** sorry babe

**peapod:** lmao

-

**_> betty snooper to “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Saturday, 6:09 pm**

**betty snooper:** image02838.png ( _Cheryl is looking down at one of the twins she’s holding)_

**ronnie:** AWWWWW

**pussy cat:** omg that’s the most adorable thing i’ve ever seen

**kevsin:** oh my god!!!!

**peapod:** dang that’s actually a cute baby

**Fangs:** ^

**hobo:** Lol I thought she wasn’t gonna help you take care of the twins.

**betty snooper:** Well, that’s what she said, but then her and Toni were still here when Polly dropped them off and i think she fell in love.

**Red:** “that’s what she said”

**Fangs:** lol

**hobo:** Now’s not the time Arch

**betty snooper:** image8283.png ( _Toni is holding the other baby, smiling at the camera.)_

**betty snooper:** It was so funny, Toni tried holding the baby wrong and Cheryl got all mad and protective out of no where lol

**ronnie:** lesbian moms am i rite

**Red:** what

**kevsin:** what’re their names?

**hobo:** Idk but I know it’s extremely white

**ronnie:** it cant be that bad

**peapod:** hm

**betty snooper:** Juniper and Dagwood.

**Fangs:** LMAO WHAT

**pussy cat:** what the fuck

**kevsin:** what in tarnation

**ronnie:** i retract my previous statement..

**Red:** damn

**hobo:** Told y’all

**pussy cat:** this town..

**betty snooper:** Yeah, my reaction exactly when Polly told me!

**kevsin:** what kind of names

**betty snooper:** It probably has something to do with that weird farm thing I told you guys about.

**kevsin:** oh yeah lol that girl y’all were talking about asked me if i wanted to join the other day, i was gonna try and make small talk but cheryl scared her off

**betty snooper:** Good, y’all don’t want to get involved in those things

**pussy cat:** idk why y’all insist in engaging in these weird ass stuff

**kevsin:** i’m not gonna join, it just got awkward cause she was just sitting there and it was quiet, but then cheryl waltzed up and called her child of the corn and “kindly requested” she stop bothering me

**Red:** sounds like cheryl

**Fangs:** she looks a bit old to me, don’t y’all think?

**peapod:** what do you mean

**ronnie:** like age?

**betty snooper:** Same!!

**Fangs:** idk there’s just something off about her

**hobo:** Agreed

**kevsin:** lol watch her be like 25 years old or something

**pussy cat:** gross

**Red:** she can’t be THAT old

**peapod:** yeah y'all are probably over exaggerating

**kevsin:** oh well, guess we’ll never know

**tiny TOPaz:** betty the twins are stealing my girl

**tiny TOPaz:** she hasn’t looked up since before you left

**pussy cat:** aren’t y’all in the same room

**tiny TOPaz:** no betty left to grab pops

**betty snooper:** Yes.. pls don’t burn my house down, I’m already regretting leave you two alone with them

**tiny TOPaz:** don’t worry i think cheryl would throw me into the fire if it meant she could save the twins

**kevsin:** lol i wanna meet them

**hobo:** I’ll admit they’re pretty cute

**Red:** ^

**pussy cat:** damn those poor babies are gonna have to grow up with those names lmao

**betty snooper:** -_-

**Fangs:** hey guys what does veronica’s car look like

**hobo:** Why?

**Red:** i think it’s black

**pussy cat:** wow very descriptive archibald

**Red:** :)

**Fangs:** it’s parked outside of sweet pea’s trailer

**kevsin:** wow now we’re just waiting for them to make it official

**pussy cat:** damn you guys really are stalkers  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit this episode was a doozy, i’m so mad at kevin and fangs, i feel so bad for betty, the entire story line is so confusing, and yes i am one of the many who cried during the choni scene, my babies deserve so much better. i honestly don’t know how roberto plans on wrapping this entire thing with only one episode left, but all i know is that they better get cheryl and betty out, and josie definitely had the right idea when she packed her shit and left the town.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ras deleting that scene with cheryl and the twin(s) over the scene of her talking to a corpse is my reason for posting this after so long

**_> tiny TOPaz to “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Monday, 8:18 am**

 

**tiny TOPaz:** hey uh

**tiny TOPaz:** has anyone happened to see cheryl cause like 

**tiny TOPaz:** i’m seriously freaking out?? 

**ronnie:** what’s wrong

**peapod:** what happened

**Fangs:** what

**tiny TOPaz:** so last night she was particularly sad about the whole thornhill thing that’s been going on and i was going to stay the night with her

**tiny TOPaz:** but then the whole thing came up with the serpents and she just insisted she’d be fine and that i should go help with them

**kevsin:** wait what happened with the serpents

**tiny TOPaz:** not relevant

**Fangs:** nothing

**hobo:** NOTHING.

**peapod:** nothing much

**Red:** um

**Fangs:** wow guys way to not be suspicious 

**kevsin:** is that why the chat was so dry yesterday

**tiny TOPaz:** ok that’s for another time

**tiny TOPaz:** anyway she insisted i leave so i did, and then i showed up this morning to drive us to school like i usually do on mondays and she wasn’t home, and so i figured maybe she just wanted space, but now i’m here at school and she’s nowhere to be seen 

**tiny TOPaz:** and she never shows up late or misses a day

**Fangs:** i haven’t seen her

**ronnie:** same

**hobo:** Yeah, we have pre cal together first period and she’s not in here.

**betty snooper:** I hope she’s okay.

**kevsin:** same thats kind of worrying

**Fangs:** maybe she’s just late or something 

**tiny TOPaz:** when pigs fly

**pussy cat:** toni.. 

**tiny TOPaz:** what? 

**tiny TOPaz:** josie?

**kevsin:** wow way to just disappear jojo siwa

**ronnie:** stop

**betty snooper:** XD

**tiny TOPaz:** josie!! 

**pussy cat:** ok don’t freak out or be mad 

**tiny TOPaz:** josephine if you don’t hurry up and spit it out i WILL freak out and be mad!! 

**Fangs:** josephine?

**hobo:** Did you seriously not know her full name 

**ronnie:** tbh i didn’t know that either

**betty snooper:** I’ve heard cheryl call her that.

**kevsin:** whatever, josie all this suspense is killing me 

**ronnie:** ^^

**pussy cat:** ok

**pussy cat:** don’t be mad

**kevsin:** i just wanna know

**ronnie:** ^

**tiny TOPaz:** i won’t be just tell us

**pussy cat:** ok

**pussy cat:** today is cheryl’s birthday

**tiny TOPaz:** WHAT?!?!?!

**ronnie:** wait what?? 

**Fangs:** omg

**hobo:** Damn..

**betty snooper:** Oh gosh.

**kevsin:** oh no

**tiny TOPaz:** HOW THE FUCK WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS!!! 

**betty snooper:** :(

**pussy cat:** she’s never wanted anyone to remember it ever since something that went down a few years ago 

**hobo:** I empathize with that

**Fangs:** nows not the time jug

**tiny TOPaz:** BUT WE’VE ALMOST BEEN DATING FOR A YEAR!! 

**betty snooper:** toni calm down the teacher is looking at you and if they catch you you know they’ll do anything to send you to the office 

**Fangs:** wait but wouldn’t that mean..

**kevsin:** ?

**tiny TOPaz:** what?!?! 

**pussy cat:** yeah uh i don’t want to add anymore stress but

**pussy cat:** because it’s her birthday, and jason and her are twins.. 

**tiny TOPaz:** oh my fucking god

**tiny TOPaz:** why the fuck haven’t you ever told anyone 

**pussy cat:** you said you wouldn’t be mad!

**pussy cat:** and because it’s not my place! she doesn’t want people to know!

**betty snooper:** Toni..

**peapod:** um why did toni just grab her things and yeet out of the room all the sudden

**peapod:** what have i missed

**Fangs:** nothing good, scroll up

**peapod:** ok

**hobo:** Wait, then where’s chetyl

**Fangs:** i thjnk if we knew WE WOULDNT BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM

**tiny TOPaz:** josie where is she

**pussy cat:** i don’t know since it’s only been a year since jason died this has only happened once before and she never told me where she went

**pussy cat:** last year she just kind of got sad a few days before and then disappeared for a few days and when she came back she was back to normal

**betty snooper:** I think I remember that.

**tiny TOPaz:** can you meet me in the student lounge in five minutes 

**pussy cat:** yeah of course

**peapod:** i just scrolled through that and i’m worried

**peapod:** do y’all want me to help finding her 

**ronnie:** yeah same i’ll help

**betty snooper:** Same.

**kevsin:** same!

**hobo:** Same

**Fangs:** same

**tiny TOPaz:** i’m not sure. if we do find her i know she’ll be overwhelmed if it’s all of us so endless anyone has any sort of idea on where she could be then i don’t think it’s a good idea 

**hobo:** Okay.

**betty snooper:** Alright..  

**peapod:** ok

**kevsin:** i may have an idea..

**pussy cat:** then get your ass to the student lounge 

**kevsin:** i’m on my way  
  


-  
  


**_> Red to “where the fuck is everyone” <_ **

**Monday, 12:32 pm**  
  


**_> Red has named the conversation “what’s going on” <_ **

**Red:** wait

**Red:** wat the heck

**Red:** why am i just now seeing these messages

**Red:** guys?

**Red:** is cheryl okay?? 

**Red:** where is everyone??? 

**Red:** helloooo?

**Red:** guyyyss? 

**Red:** :(

**hobo:** Jfc Archie. 

**Fangs:** idk where everyone is, kevin’s not where we usually sit for lunch so i’m assuming they’re all still “out”?

**betty snooper:** Don’t bother them.  

**Red:** but what’s going on

**ronnie:** archie omg 

**Red:** :(

**hobo:** Sigh.  
  


-

 

**_> betty snooper to “what’s going on” <_ **

**Monday, 7:46 pm**

 

**betty snooper:** Okay even I’m getting anxious, you guys haven’t said anything all day. 

**hobo:** Ngl, same. This is weird

**ronnie:** you guys are so impatient damn

**Fangs:** well at least your boyfriend, along with one of your other close friends, haven’t been missing for the entire day 

**peapod:** shut up fangs, that wasn’t necessary, and they’re not even missing

**hobo:** Damn he’s just worried, lay off

**Red:** guys :(

**ronnie:** how is that even relevant fangs?? 

**ronnie:** and every single one of them are my close friends! 

**betty snooper:** Guys.. 

**peapod:** exactly!

**Fangs:** well maybe if you had gone with them like kevin asked

**ronnie:** that wouldn’t have done shit and you know it

**hobo:** Chill out Veronica

**Fangs:** yeah

**peapod:** you can’t even talk jughead

**hobo:** Oh yeah? At least I’m actually helping with this entire situation by doing what Cheryl asked, as opposed to you just sitting around on your lazy ass all day.

**peapod:** you think i just sit around all day, jughead?

**peapod:** do you really wanna fucking go there?

**pussy cat:** pull your shit together and fighting, god almighty. 

**Red:** josie!!!

**Fangs:** josie? are you guys okay

**betty snooper:** Oh thank god. 

**pussy cat:** yeah, we’ve been fine for like the past few hours.

**hobo:** Wow

**Fangs:** .

**peapod:** why didn’t anyone respond then

**pussy cat:** everyone’s probably exhausted. you guys have common sense or? 

**betty snooper:** What happened?

**Red:** are you guys okay

**ronnie:** what happened 

**peapod:** idk at this point 

**pussy cat:** yeah. we found cheryl at the cemetery after a few hours, and after awhile toni requested me and kevin leave, so idk what happened after that, but i know they’re fine. 

**betty snooper:** Poor Cheryl.

**Red:** :(

**hobo:** Oh, damn. 

**tiny TOPaz:** yeah, thank you guys for everything. 

**Fangs:** there you are, tiny 

**betty snooper:** Hey Toni. 

**hobo:** How’s cheryl?

**Fangs:** ^

**ronnie:** ^

**ronnie:** aww jughead cares 

**hobo:** -_-

**pussy cat:** np toni 

**tiny TOPaz:** she’s asleep right now

**kevsin:** it wasn’t as bad as i was expecting, tbh. i’m just glad we found her 

**pussy cat:** yeah, it may have been sooner if toni hadn’t decided to fall into sweet water river after like five minutes of looking 

**tiny TOPaz:** dude my shoe slipped, and we agreed we weren’t bringing that up

**peapod:** haha #clutz

**hobo:** Sweet Pea uses hashtags?

**betty snooper:** Lol that’s kind of funny. 

**ronnie:** whatever, i’m just glad y’all found her 

**pussy cat:** i agreed to nothing 

**kevsin:** yeah we had barely even been there, next thing you know is there’s a splash of water and when i turned around toni was completely sopping wet 

**pussy cat:** yeah,, i didn’t expect toni to be so bad at that sort of stuff, considering she’s apart of the serpents and all

**tiny TOPaz:** k i have officially been bullied out of this conversation

**kevsin:** but in the end it got cheryl to laugh when we told her about it so 

**tiny TOPaz:** jojo kept giving me side eye when that happened.. her glare is intimidating too

**Red:** side eye? can’t that kill you or something

**pussy cat:** ?

**ronnie:** ?? 

**Fangs:** what’s archie talking about this time

**peapod:** as usual idk 

**betty snooper:** XD

**Red:** side eye.. y’all can’t tell me i’m wrong this time i learned about it in chemistry 

**tiny TOPaz:** wtf archie

**kevsin:** ummm

**hobo:** Arch, are you talking about Cyanide?

**Red:** ohhhhh

**peapod:** you’re lucky you’re academically smart cause you have no common sense

**pussy cat:** omggg archie

**Fangs:** wow

**tiny TOPaz:** lmao

**betty snooper:** XD

**ronnie:** welp

**betty snooper:** Anyway.. me and Jug also got straight to the case after school and found some blackmail that could possibly be used against Penelope Blossom. 

**ronnie:** “the case” lmfao nancy drew who

**betty snooper:** :(

**Red:** ooo what is it

**hobo:** Probably something we should share with Cheryl first.

**kevsin:** anyways i’ve just spent another three hours sleeping and if you think i’m gonna do it again you’re correct

**betty snooper:** Anyway*

**Fangs:** gn babe

**betty snooper:** Goodnight Kev. 

**tiny TOPaz:** goodnight kevin, thank you guys for everything you’ve done today 

**pussy cat:** we couldn’t have done it without your clumsy ass toni :)

**tiny TOPaz:** thank you josie, we probably wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without you

**pussy cat:** np

**betty snooper:** I love you guys. It’s nice to know I have an awesome group of friends with this much support.

**hobo:** I love you more, Betty. 

**betty snooper:** <3

**Red:** love u too!! 

**Fangs:** .. love you 

**peapod:** ^

**ronnie:** we love you too b 

**pussy cat:** i love you too

**tiny TOPaz:** me and cheryl love you as well, betty. thank you 

**betty snooper:** You’re welcome :)

  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for hinted/talk of sex in this chapter. i know it’s been hinted in other chapters, but i think this one is a bit more implied.. idk tbh but i just figured i should put a warning

**_> Red to “we _ ** **_need a new chat_ ** **_name” <_ **

**Tuesday, 10:59 pm**

 

**_> Red has named the conversation “friends!” <_ **

**hobo:** I wouldn’t consider this group as “friends”.

 **betty snooper:** Jugggg

 **kevsin:** aw you know you love us juggie

 **ronnie:** ^

 **peapod:** lmao juggie

 **Red:** :(

 **Red:** i’m borreeedddd

 **kevsin:** same

 **ronnie:** same

 **pussy cat:** GO TO SLEEP

 **peapod:** no

 **kevsin:** if you guys were to die, what would be your last words?

 **hobo:** Uh.. that’s a little dark of a question for this late at night.

 **ronnie:** like you can be talking

 **Red:** youre last words would be that’s a little too dark?

 **betty snooper:** Your*

 **kevsin:** archie no-

 **peapod:** idk maybe like “the moneys in the-“

 **Fangs:** haha

 **ronnie:** that’s basic

 **Fangs:** i’d pin the entire thing on jughead

 **hobo:** Wow, I’ll remember that.

 **Fangs:** :)

 **betty snooper:** Kev why are you asking lol? Mine would probably be I love you.

 **hobo:** Always such a sap.

 **betty snooper:** I love you juggie :)

 **hobo:** Love you too.

 **Cher Bear:** Vomit.

 **Cher Bear:** My last word would be, “Finally!”.

 **tiny TOPaz:** cher no

 **kevsin:** oh

 **pussy cat:** can y’all like STOP TEXTING RANDOM SHIT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

 **tiny TOPaz:** ITS LIKE 11????

 **Red:** cher!

 **ronnie:** there’s the hbic we all know and love

 **peapod:** ah yes, school was a mess without the red devil of riverdale high

 **betty snooper:** How’re you doing today, Cher?

 **hobo:** ^

 **pussy cat:** yeah k toni unlike you some of us want to look good and in order to accomplish that we need sleep

 **tiny TOPaz:** shut up you’re interrupting cheryl

 **pussy cat:** girl i talked to her like all day

 **Cher Bear:** I’m okay.

 **Cher Bear:** Thank you guys.

 **kevsin:** :)

 **Red:** you’re welcome :)

 **betty snooper:** No need to thank us :)

 **pussy cat:** that’s a lot of :)’s

 **peapod:** did you just put an s after a face

 **pussy cat:** whatever, i’m putting y’all on dnd. when you guys are slugging around the school tomorrow because of lack of sleep, i’ll be shining the brightest i ever have

 **Red:** i’m sure you will, josie :)

 **pussy cat:** aww archibald, you’re so sweet.

 **Red:** :)

 **kevsin:** ok archie even now you’re using the smiley face too often

 **betty snooper:** XD

 **tiny TOPaz:** also cher i forgot to tell you but i convinced the office to excuse your absence

 **Cher Bear:** Really?

 **Cher Bear:** Screen high five, TT!

 **tiny TOPaz:** └(^o^)┐

 **peapod:** lmao toni doesn’t like high fives

 **Red:** how do you not like high fives

 **Fangs:** cause she says they hurt

 **ronnie:** for a gang member, toni is really soft

 **tiny TOPaz:** i do not -_-

 **Cher Bear:** I'll fist you instead!

 **peapod:** wHAT

 **betty snooper:** Oh..

 **kevsin:** now what the fuck

 **ronnie:** and i oop-

 **kevsin:** veronica no

 **Red:** oh

 **Fangs:** no offense cheryl but we really didn’t need to hear that

**_> pussy cat has removed Cher Bear from the conversation <_ **

**pussy cat:** i knew i shouldn’t have checked to see if you crackheads were still texting

 **tiny TOPaz:** guys, you do realize she probably didn’t even intend it like that

 **peapod:** how could she not

**_> tiny TOPaz has added Cher Bear to the conversation < _ **

**Red:** welcome back friend!!

 **hobo:** What the actual fuck

 **betty snooper:** Cheryl, would you like to explain yourself?

 **Cher Bear:** Why was I abolished?

 **ronnie:** you told toni you were gonna fist her

 **Fangs:** lmao and you guys really thought toni was the top

 **betty snooper:** Can we not

 **peapod:** :/

 **tiny TOPaz:** i am the top!

 **hobo:** Disgusting.

 **tiny TOPaz:** omg guys

 **Cher Bear:** What's so wrong about telling someone you’ll fist them?

 **kevsin:** CHERYL

 **betty snooper:** Do you seriously not know

 **Fangs:** wow

 **Red:** even betty knows lol

 **tiny TOPaz:** she’s a baby gay cut her some slack

 **Cher Bear:** I’m confused..

 **kevsin:** damnit cheryl i forgot to cover this in homosexual school

 **hobo:** What-

 **pussy cat:** y’all are so weird omg

 **ronnie:** wait why does betty know what that means

 **hobo:** ;)

 **Red:** wait

 **kevsin:** OMG EW

 **Red:** WHYYYYYY

 **betty snooper:** Wait no we haven’t done that!!

 **peapod:** DISGUSTING

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation <_ **

**Fangs:** jughead wtf

 **Red:** im just gonna go to sleep along with josie..

 **ronnie:** omgggg

**_> hobo has added betty snooper to the conversation < _ **

**tiny TOPaz:** guys it’s not even that gross

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation < _ **

**_> hobo has added betty snooper to the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** easy for you to say toni

 **tiny TOPaz:** now what’s that supposed to mean

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation <_ **

**peapod:** k so i’m gonna follow archie and josie’s footsteps and just exit this conversation

**_> hobo has added betty snooper to the conversation < _ **

**Cher Bear:** Can someone just tell me what fisting is!

 **Fangs:** oh shit she mad

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation < _ **

**tiny TOPaz:** i’ll demonstrate for you later baby ;)

 **Fangs:** i-

 **kevsin:** LMAO

**_> ronnie has removed tiny TOPaz from the conversation < _ **

**_> ronnie has added betty snooper to the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** betty stop leaving or else we aren’t adding you back

 **betty snooper:** :(

 **Fangs:** yeah uh goodnight y’all

 **Cher Bear:** What in the world? Why are you guys treating it like it’s some sort of horrendous disease?

 **Cher Bear:** I just wanna fist bump my girlfriend?

 **kevsin:** just don’t say you’re gonna fist someone again cher and you should be fine

 **betty snooper:** This is horrible.

 **Cher Bear:** And why did you all remove Toni?

 **ronnie:** bECAUSE OF WHAT SHE SAID

**_> Cher Bear has added tiny TOPaz to the conversation <_ **

**tiny TOPaz:** thanks babe

 **tiny TOPaz:** also i was in the process of typing out jkjk don’t remove me but i got removed before i could do so

 **ronnie:** maybe you shouldn’t have said it in the first place

 **kevsin:** this is riveting, i can’t breathe

 **Cher Bear:** Someone, please just tell me what’s so bad about saying you’ll fist someone.

 **betty snooper:** Stop saying it!!

 **ronnie:** this is a good christian chat

 **kevsin:** cher do you know what sex is

**_> betty snooper has left the conversation <_ **

**ronnie:** omg i’m leaving

 **tiny TOPaz:** i can confirm that she does indeed know what sex is ;)

 **Cher Bear:** Omg of course I know what that is!

 **kevsin:** calm down i’m gonna have to explain since no one else will

 **hobo:** I will

 **tiny TOPaz:** same

 **kevsin:** k well toni you’re not liable enough

 **kevsin:** and jughead.. no

 **Cher Bear:** Just tell me.

 **kevsin:** it’s basically using a fist instead of fingers

 **hobo:** That’s the straight forward explanation.

 **tiny TOPaz:** wow nice explanation kevin

 **Cher Bear:** Ohhhh. That’s it?

 **Cher Bear:** WAIT TONI?

 **Cher Bear:** WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN FRONT OF ALL OF THEM?

 **tiny TOPaz:** you said it first!

 **Cher Bear:** I didn’t know what it meant!

 **kevsin:** i’m wheezing

 **tiny TOPaz:** i was joking

 **Cher Bear:** I’m going to sleep.

 **tiny TOPaz:** nooooo

 **kevsin:** haha

 **tiny TOPaz:** babeeee

 **hobo:** Damn, we lost both our girls to the monstrosity of this situation :/

 **kevsin:** lmaooo

 **tiny TOPaz:** yeah.. i think everyone got off except us three

 **kevsin:** i just think this is hilarious lmao

 **hobo:** Yeah, we get it Kevin.

**_> hobo has added betty snooper to the conversation <_ **

**tiny TOPaz:** so what do you guys wanna talk about

 **hobo:** Yeah.. bye.

 **tiny TOPaz:** wow

 **kevsin:** disappointed but not surprised

 **tiny TOPaz:** guess it’s just me and you kev

 **kevsin:** yeah i’m tired,, all that explaining really did a number on me

 **kevsin:** bye!

 **tiny TOPaz:** i literally hate you all

 

-

 

**_> peapod to “friends!” <_ **

**Wednesday, 9:36 am**

 

 **peapod:** aw poor tt didn’t get laid

**_> Cher Bear has removed peapod from the conversation < _ **

 

-

 

**_> betty snooper to “friends!” <_ **

**Wednesday, 11:59 am**

 

 **betty snooper:** Hey V, where are you? Physics is about to start.

 **Red:** lol isn’t veronica like one tardy away from getting detention

 **ronnie:** i’m hurrying i’m hurrying, i lost track of time

 **ronnie:** distract mr rogers so i can slip in

 **betty snooper:** Um.. V, his name is Mr. Daniels..

 **ronnie:** close enough

 **Fangs:** better vroom vroom veronica

**_> kevsin has changed ronnie’s name to vroomica < _ **

**vroomica:** um wtf

 **pussy cat:** i’m telling y’all it’s cause y’all were UP ALL NIGHT

 **hobo:** Yeah i think pretty much everyone was off the chat before twelve.

 **pussy cat:** shut up jigglehead

**_> hobo has changed pussy cat’s name to pissy cat <_ **

**Cher Bear:** Um..

 **tiny TOPaz:** i told you not to check what they were saying baby

 **Red:** aw why :(

 **kevsin:** toni’s rught, it’s probably healthier not to interact with this chat. y’all are ..sometimes.. fine in person but on here everyone’s on jingle jangle

 **kevsin:** right*

 **hobo:** Says the one who can’t even spell.

 **kevsin:** >:|

 **Cher Bear:** Why do you plebeians always insist on making faces rather than using emojis? They’re there for a reason.

 **Fangs:** oh god, cheryl’s that person

 **Cher Bear:** Now what’s that supposed to mean?

 **kevsin:** exactly what we thought last night when you say you were fisting toni

**_> Cher Bear has left the conversation <_ **

**tiny TOPaz:** guys :/

**_> tiny TOPaz has added Cher Bear to the conversation < _ **

**betty snooper:** Stop texting during class!!!

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so in case y’all didn’t know, this entire fic is basically like one huge meme to me and i’m sort of running out of ideas on what to write about. so any ideas anyone has, pleaseeee share. also, would you guys prefer longer chapters and longer wait times for updates, or shorter chapters and shorter wait times for updates?


	12. Chapter 12

**_> pissy cat to “friends!” <_ **

**Wednesday, 1:09 pm**

 

 **pissy cat:** Listen up, fives and archie, a ten is speaking!

 **Cher Bear:** Josie, that’s my line! 😡

 **Cher Bear:** And I am sooo not a five.

 **kevsin:** EWWW ITS AN EMOJI

 **Fangs:** get that shit outta here

 **hobo:** Yeah you’re like, the only five here josie.

 **pissy cat:** shut up you white ass hillbilly

 **hobo:** Wow

 **Red:** aw man

 **Cher Bear:** Lol, I mean she’s not wrong.

 **Fangs:** u know you’re white too right cheryl

 **kevsin:** naw really

 **kevsin:** her name is literally cheryl marjorie blossom

 **Cher Bear:** Oh wow, actually I wasn’t aware of that.

 **Red:** wait seriously??

 **Cher Bear:** It’s called sarcasm, Archibald.

 **pissy cat:** white people are so wack

 **pissy cat:** and WHO CHANGED MY NAME

**_> pissy cat has changed their name to pussy cat <_ **

**vroomica:** lmao agreed josie

 **tiny TOPaz:** agreed

 **Cher Bear:** no

 **pussy cat:** cheryl you’re white ass is wack too, dont act like you don’t know it

 **betty snooper:** Yeah I know i’m white but Cheryl has to be like the whitest person here lol.

 **Cher Bear:** Bully.

 **Fangs:** mhm

 **Fangs:** veronica is probably the whitest non white person here tho

 **vroomica:** “the whitest non white person”

 **Fangs:** that is what i said

 **hobo:** But most of you guys are dating white people?

 **tiny TOPaz:** ah shit, u got us there

 **pussy cat:** anYWAY

 **pussy cat:** as i was trying to originally say when i first messaged y’all

 **pussy cat:** does anyone remember that one time toni scared betty and she punched her in the face

 **hobo:** Lmao, like I could forget? That was awesome.

 **vroomica:** didn’t that happen like four days ago

 **kevsin:** yeah i remember lol

 **Fangs:** yes.. i remember that

 **Cher Bear:** Of course I remember that, didn’t that happen like a few days ago?

 **vroomica:** i just said that

 **kevsin:** lmao cheryl almost blew her top when that happened

**Cher Bear: 🙄**

**vroomica:** do y’all just cherish bullying everyone here or

 **Red:** wait josie why’d you ask

 **pussy cat:** yeah so anyway i was walking around the corner and suddenly this idiot decides, despite witnessing betty punch toni, to try scaring betty himself

 **pussy cat:** image91828.png ( _Sweet Pea is sitting outside of the nurse’s office with an ice pack on his bloody nose, and Betty’s looking down at her hands in horror.)_

 **pussy cat:** jones i didn’t know your girlfriend could punch this hard

 **vroomica:** omgggggggg

 **tiny TOPaz:** LQIXHEHFIABE HAHA SWEET PEA

 **Fangs:** LMAO

 **kevsin:** wait where even is sweet pea

**_> kevsin has added peapod to the conversation <_ **

**Fangs:** damn y’all really forgot about him AGAIN

 **pussy cat:** you say that as if you didn’t forget too

 **hobo:** Damn, i’m proud of you betty

 **betty snooper:** No!!!

 **vroomica:** josie, where are y’all

 **pussy cat:** nurses office of course, come pick up your mans bc he’s refusing to talk to anyone

 **tiny TOPaz:** aww he’s embarrassed

 **Fangs:** lol betty’s just going off on everyone

 **betty snooper:** No i’m not! I didn’t mean to!

 **hobo:** Stop bullying my girlfriend

 **Red:** betty you should punch me so i can see how bad it hirts

 **Red:** hirts*

 **Red:** hirts*

 **Red:** hirts*

 **hobo:** Omg Archie

 **betty snooper:** NO!!!!

 **Cher Bear:** R.I.P Elizabeth Snooper.

 **tiny TOPaz:** 2001 - 2019 (idk anyone’s birthdays)

 **betty snooper:** Me???

 **Cher Bear:** No, the other Betty.

 **Red:** wait what other betty

 **Cher Bear:** Oh my god. 

 **pussy cat:** and i oop

 **Fangs:** fat lie

 **kevsin:** stop using dead memes

 **pussy cat:** that’s not a dead meme i saw it on twitter like five minutes ago

 **kevsin:** jojo you have twitter???

 **pussy cat:** uh no

 **vroomica:** i got here with sweet pea and betty is nowhere to be found

 **kevsin:** haha she said i’m outta there

 **betty snooper:**!!!

  
-

 

**_> betty snooper to “friends!” <_ **

**Wednesday, 4:49 pm**

 

 **betty snooper:** image028374.png ( _A picture of a few plants in pots, side by side.)_

 **betty snooper:** Guys look, me and Jug got plants!

 **hobo:** More like you picked out the plants and made me pay for them.

 **betty snooper:** I told you you didn’t have to pay :(

 **hobo:** Lol, i’m joking Betts.

 **kevsin:** that’s so adorable omg

 **Fangs:** betty: punches someone

 **Fangs:** also betty, three hours later: guys look i got plants!

 **betty snooper:** Was that supposed to be funny?

 **kevsin:** yeah that was a poor attempt at fangs trying to be humorous

 **Fangs:** bruh im hilarious

 **kevsin:** what’s hilarious is you thinking you can call me bruh

 **vroomica:** stop bullying betty fangs

 **peapod:** yeah that punch wasn’t even that hard

 **hobo:** And Sweet’s is back at it again, trying to save his dignity.

 **peapod:** shush

 **Red:** wait betty you should put them by your window so i can see them!

 **Red:** josie we can get some too!!!!

 **betty snooper:** Ok!

 **Cher Bear:** Lol Archibald, why are you so excited by that prospect?

 **pussy cat:** sure archie :)

 **Red:** idk

 **tiny TOPaz:** hey me and cheryl have plants by her window too!

 **tiny TOPaz:** i have to make sure to water them every day because she never does

 **kevsin:** lmao why does everyone have plants

 **kevsin:** i want some

 **vroomica:** wait toni, the ones on cheryl’s windowsill? cause those plants are fake i thought

 **tiny TOPaz:** wait what

 **kevsin:** damnnnnn

 **peapod:** LMAO

 **tiny TOPaz:** they aren’t fake..

 **Red:** :(

 **Fangs:** haha, t got played

 **betty snooper:** Oh yeah, those are fake lol.

 **vroomica:** ^

 **tiny TOPaz:** no they aren’t?

 **vroomica:** oh well maybe i assumes but they sure did look like it

 **betty snooper:** Yeah I remember having a convo with V about it at a sleepover one tome. I’m not sure why.

 **betty snooper:** Time*

 **tiny TOPaz:** cher???

 **Red:** uhhh

 **peapod:** damn and you’re own girl too

 **betty snooper:** Your*

 **Cher Bear:** They.. may be abiotic..

 **kevsin:** well this is awkward

 **Fangs:** does cheryl just like start reading from the SAT vocab list when she gets nervous

 **hobo:** Conspiracies 101

 **tiny TOPaz:** three months

 **Cher Bear:** You always look so concentrated and adorable!

 **tiny TOPaz:** three whole months

 **Cher Bear:**.. It’s only been about two?

 **tiny TOPaz:** you’ve stood by and watched me water fake plants

 **Cher Bear:** It’s not that big of a deal.

 **tiny TOPaz:** FOR THREE MONTHS

 **betty snooper:** XDDD

 **kevsin:** why does every couple have some sort of plant and not us

 **Fangs:** i dunno, we should get some babe

 **hobo:** Damn, press F to pay respect for Antoinette..

 **hobo:** F

 **Red:** f

 **pussy cat:** f?

 **kevsin:** f

 **peapod:** f

 **vroomica:** f

 **Fangs:** f

**_> tiny TOPaz has left the conversation <_ **

**Cher Bear:** I'm gonna murder you, Lodge.

 **vroomica:** ok in my defense i thought she knew, they don’t even look real

**_> betty snooper has added tiny TOPaz to the conversation <_ **

**betty snooper:** It’s okay, Toni! I can take you to get some plants!

 **tiny TOPaz:** yeah and maybe i’ll just keep them in my trailer this time

 **Cher Bear:** Nooooooo.

 **peapod:** they’d probably die due to lack of water tbh you’re never even over there anymore

 **tiny TOPaz:** i’m trying to prove a point here swetpea

 **kevsin:** we can all go shopping for plants together!

 **vroomica:** um no thanks, plants freak me out

 **Fangs:** lmao you should see what cheryl’s diet consists of

 **peapod:** oh thank god veronica, i thought you’d agree and we’d have to get some plants

 **vroomica:** no lol

 **vroomica:** we can get a goldfish or something

 **peapod:** i’m in

 **Red:** plants are great :/

 **Cher Bear:** What’s wrong with my diet plan?

 **Fangs:** it’s like just plants

 **Red:** wait cher’s a vegan?

 **Cher Bear:** No, I just don’t usually consume animals.

 **tiny TOPaz:** that doesn’t explain why you let me take care of fake plants for over two months

 **Cher Bear:** I’m sorry, TT.

 **tiny TOPaz:** okay, i’ll forgive you if you buy me some actual plants

 **Cher Bear:** Deal.

 **kevsin:** k so that’s heart warming and all but when are we going

 **betty snooper:** I can show you guys where I got mine!

 **Red:** josie you’re coming right

 **pussy cat:** of course

 **kevsin:** lets all meet at betty’s house

 **Cher Bear:** Is Betty’s car even big enough to fit everyone?

 **betty snooper:** I can borrow my mom’s van, it’ll be fine.

 **Red:** omg but that car is haunted, remember?

 **pussy cat:** what-

 **tiny TOPaz:** oh hell no i don’t mess with spirits

 **Cher Bear:** For the last time, ghosts don’t exist, TT.

 **tiny TOPaz:** on the contrary they could

 **hobo:** Oh, Arch is just talking about this thing that happened when we were younger.

 **betty snooper:** We don’t speak of the past, Archie.

 **vroomica:** damn so everyone’s just gonna go plant shopping and leave me and sweets out

 **betty snooper:** You guys can come.

 **vroomica:** no, i see how it is

 **vroomica:** come on sweet pea let’s do something better than them

 **Red:** :(

 **peapod:** i’m omw

 **Cher Bear:** I mean, two less buffoons to deal with.

 **pussy cat:** k but arch if we get plants i’m keeping them because i know for a fact they will die at your house

 **Red:** alright mom

 **pussy cat:** excuse me??

 **Red:** wait i didn’t mean it like that

 **betty snooper:** I always get called mom lol.

 **kevsin:** that’s bc you literally are the mom of this group

 **hobo:** Lol archie’s on thin ice

 **Red:** im on my bed

 **hobo:** No, it’s a metaphor.

 **Red:** its a blanket

**_> hobo has left the conversation <_ **

**betty snooper:** XD

**_> betty snooper has added hobo to the conversation <_ **

**kevsin:** betty unlock your front door! me and fangs are here!

 **hobo:** Damn already?

 **betty snooper:** That was quick

 **Fangs:** well we were already together

 **Red:** ok then we only need to wait for josie, cheryl and toni!

 **vroomica:** wow

 **vroomica:** forgotten again

 **Fangs:** VERONICA YOU SAID YOU AND SWEET PEA WEREN’T COMING

 **vroomica:** an invite would still be nice

 **kevsin:** veronica what-

 **peapod:** yeah what she said

 **Red:** lol that’s what she said

 **kevsin:** archie what-

 **betty snooper:** Sigh.

 **Red:** josie’s here now, cheryl and toni we’re just waiting on you guys!

 **Red:** guys?

 **Red:** k guys it’s been like fifteen minutes

 **peapod:** maybe they’re having sex idk

 **hobo:** Why is that always your answer to everything?

 **tiny TOPaz:** sorry we got distracted, we’re on our way

 **peapod:** lmao told y’all

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i kinda left this fic for like six months.. whoops.. 
> 
> anyway, i just sort of lost motivation for writing it, and just happened to get a bit of inspiration that i was able to write this chapter. this fic is like, a big joke to me, so i try not to worry about it too much. 
> 
> so, i’ll probably never leave a chapter on a cliffhanger because i have no idea when the next time i’ll post one is. it could be next week, or next month, who knows. 
> 
> on a different note, if you’d like to check out another fic i’ve been working on, you can find it here:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074457/chapters/52680505
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, if you’re still here, thank you for sticking with this fic for so long! i hope you guys enjoy!

**_> hobo to “friends!” <_ **

**Saturday, 2:04 am**

 

**hobo:** Have you guys ever heard of the mansfield hotel? 

**vroomica:** no

**peapod:** no

**tiny TOPaz:** of course??? 

**pussy cat:** go to sleep 

**peapod:** what is it?

**hobo:** A haunted hotel a little ways from here

**tiny TOPaz:** you guys are lame

**vroomica:** i’m sorry i don’t spend my time researching haunted places and watching horror and crime documentaries?

**peapod:** @tiny and jughead and sometimes betty

**tiny TOPaz:** anyway.. why’d you ask, jug?

**hobo:** Because, I sort of kinda want to go stay over there for a night or two and Betty won’t go with me if it’s just me and her

**peapod:** lmao i cant afford that

**tiny TOPaz:** idk if i can afford that either 

**vroomica:** when would we even go

**hobo:** Christmas break

**kevsin:** IM DOWN!!!

**hobo:** Nice!

**peapod:** kevin i didn’t know you were into that stuff 

**pussy cat:** GO TO SLEEP!!!

**kevsin:** yeah i don’t talk about it much but i very much am into old history things like that :)

**tiny TOPaz:** i’d go if i could afford it

**hobo:** Just borrow money from your girlfriend

**tiny TOPaz:** dude i am not a gold digger 

**vroomica:** well i suppose i’ll go if everyone else does 

**tiny TOPaz:** i’ll see what i can do 

**peapod:** same

**kevsin:** does anyone else wanna come

**peapod:** yeah lol where is everyone 

**pussy cat:** ASLEEP LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS

**tiny TOPaz:** okay okay i’ll get off lol 

**hobo:** So it’s confirmed we’re going?

**kevsin:** well we have to wait for everyone else but most likely

**hobo:** Niceee

 

-

 

**_> Fangs to “friends!” <_ **

**Saturday, 1:36 pm**

 

**Fangs:** absolutely not

**hobo:** Aw, come on Fangs

**tiny TOPaz:** come on i just spent the morning figuring out if i had enough funds to spare going and i do :(

**kevsin:** babe :( 

**betty snooper:** Lol

**Red:** a haunted hotel? really guys 

**tiny TOPaz:** it’ll be fun!

**Red:** josie do you wanna go 

**pussy cat:** i mean why not 

**Fangs:** absolutely fucking not 

**kevsin:** babe why 

**peapod:** fangs is scared of ghosts lol

**vroomica:** damn

**Cher Bear:** Don’t be silly, ghosts don’t exist. 

**hobo:** Oh god you’re that person aren’t you

**Cher Bear:** ? 

**tiny TOPaz:** yeah cheryl doesn’t believe in that stuff 

**kevsin:** babe i promise it’ll be fun 

**vroomica:** how is your name fangs and yet you’re scared of ghosts.. 

**_> tiny TOPaz changed Fangs named to teeth < _ **

**teeth:** really 

**betty snooper:** Lol 

**hobo:** C’mon Fangs, everyone is coming!

**Cher Bear:** I never said I was going. 

**Red:** neither did i lol 

**hobo:** You guys are impossible

**tiny TOPaz:** cher :(

**Cher Bear:** I have better things to do with my life. 

**tiny TOPaz:** please baby

**Cher Bear:** Fine.

**peapod:** well that wasn’t hard.. 

**kevsin:** cheryl’s whipped lol 

**hobo:** Arch, why don’t you wanna go

**Red:** i’ll go i wa sjust saguing that i hanfbt 

**peapod:** um

**Red:** was* 

**Red:** saying*

**Red:** hadn’t*

**kevsin:** anyway.. 

**kevsin:** fangs literally everyone is going you have to come 

**teeth:** do you guys really wanna die when the start of the new year is just around the corner, like- 

**betty snooper:** We aren’t gonna die!

**vroomica:** you’re being as dramatic as cheryl lol

**Cher Bear:** Like you can talk, Veronica. 

**kevsin:** PLEASEEEE

**teeth:** i guess i’ll think about it

**kevsin:** YAY

**hobo:** Okay good, so everyone’s coming!

**teeth:** IM THINKING ABOUT IT 

**pussy cat:** i’ve never been to a supposed ‘haunted’ place before though

**Cher Bear:** You guys are being absolutely ridiculous, there’s no such thing as haunted places. 

**vroomica:** um ok 

**kevsin:** yeah sure cheryl whatever floats your boat 

**peapod:** lmao watch cheryl be the first one to die 

**betty snooper:** Omg you guys 

**Cher Bear:** Wow. 

**tiny TOPaz:** back the fuck off my girlfriend 

**peapod:** chill 

**hobo:** I was thinking we could go tomorrow or monday, so that way we can just stay for the night over and be back before Christmas Eve.

**pussy cat:** yeah that works because i’m going to california for christmas

**Red:** i think i’m going to michigan with my mom  

**betty snooper:** My mom is unfortunately dragging me to a family dinner like an hour away.. 

**kevsin:** same betty lol 

**teeth:** damn is anyone staying for christmas

**tiny TOPaz:** me and cheryl rented a cabin 

**vroomica:** i have to go somewhere in downtown new york for new year’s eve 

**peapod:** toni you and your girl are gonna get snowed in there’s like a big snow storm coming on christmas

**pussy cat:** sounds dangerous

**betty snooper:** Sounds romantic tbh.

**betty snooper:** I wish I didn’t have to leave

**hobo:** At least we can be together Christmas day

**betty snooper:** True

**Cher Bear:** So we’re going tomorrow?

**tiny TOPaz:** yes, which means you should start packing right now

**teeth:** wait cheryl is one of those people who packs way more than necessary for trips isnt she 

**pussy cat:** yes lol 

**pussy cat:** so does veronica

**Cher Bear:** We aren’t overpacking, you guys are just underpacking. 

**kevsin:** cheryl you brought like six suitcases for that one class trip that lasted a week

**teeth:** SIX?????

**Red:** lol 

**Cher Bear:** It was only like one suitcase and a few bags, Kevin. 

**kevsin:** yeah okay 

**vroomica:** well either way you can’t stop us from packing a lot, so

**peapod:** you’re just gonna make me carry everything aren’t you

**vroomica:** yes

**tiny TOPaz:** wait that gives me an idea lol

**_> tiny TOPaz has changed vroomica’s name to ron stoppable < _ **

**ron stoppable:** what the hell 

**peapod:** LMAO

**Red:** lol

**kevsin:** why is veronica’s name just so easy to make fun of omg 

**Cher Bear:** TT, can you come help me pack?

**tiny TOPaz:** of course

**ron stoppable:** two can play that game 

**_> ron stoppable has changed tiny TOPaz’s name to titty < _ **

**titty:** wow 

**betty snooper:** XD

 

-

 

**_> Cher Bear to “friends!” <_ **

**Saturday, 8:23 pm**

 

**Cher Bear:** Wow.

**Red:** lol 

 

-

 

**_> kevsin to “friends!” <_ **

**Sunday, 2:48 pm**

 

**kevsin:** hey jughead when are we going 

**hobo:** Whenever I guess. 

**peapod:** wait that’s today lmao?

**ron stoppable:** sweet pea???

**kevsin:** i bet if we met up at thistlehouse we could all go in one car 

**pussy cat:** no

**Cher Bear:** Absolutely not. 

**teeth:** yeah especially because cheryl and veronica’s luggage probably needs a car of its own

**ron stoppable:** fangs???

**betty snooper:** We could probably go in two cars, Kev

**hobo:** Sounds good 

**peapod:** give me like ten minutes i’ll pack my stuff 

**teeth:** meanwhile it takes cheryl like ten hours lol

**titty:** how far away is the hotel jug 

**hobo:** Like forty five minutes

**Red:** wait who’s going in who’s car

**betty snooper:** Whose*

**kevsin:** we can figure out who’s driving later  

**hobo:** Everyone meet at Thistlehouse at four?

**pussy cat:** sure 

**peapod:** ight 

**Red:** sounds good 

**ron stoppable:** okay

**kevsin:** ok

**Cher Bear:** Um? 

**Cher Bear:** WHEN did I say any of you could come over? 

**titty:** lmaoooo

**kevsin:** pls

**hobo:** Sigh.

**teeth:** can you stop typing in your actions like what’s the point of that 

**peapod:** ngl was just wondering the same thing 

**Red:** cheryl :(

**betty snooper:** Lol

**Cher Bear:** Ask nicely. 

**hobo:** -_-

**peapod:** lol

**kevsin:** can we pretty please come over to your house for a little while to all meet up, cher-bear?

**titty:** hey don’t call her that

**teeth:** y not 

**titty:** that’s my nickname for her >:(

**ron stoppable:** it’s probably bc toni literally only calls cheryl babe and baby and cher, her only creative nickname is cher bear 

**kevsin:** LMAO

**titty:** at least i’m not like you and all your weird ass nicknames like wtf 

**hobo:** You’re saying that like Cheryl doesn’t call you a bunch of weird french names?

**betty snooper:** Me and you have a couple of nicknames for each other, though?

**hobo:** Not as much as cheryl has for toni 

**teeth:** can y’all stop getting distracted i just wanna know if we’re meeting at thistlehouse or not 

**kevsin:** idk i asked nicely and cheryl didn’t respond?

**betty snooper:** Out of everyone here, Cheryl and Archie are probably most likely to never respond to your text. 

**Red:** :(

**pussy cat:** he responds to my texts lol 

**titty:** yeah cheryl responds to mine 

**hobo:** Well you guys are the girlfriends, so 

**Cher Bear:** Yes, you can all come over.

**kevsin:** YAY

**Red:** :)

**hobo:** Alright, no one text anymore. Everyone meet at Thistlehouse at four

**titty:** haha suck it losers i’m already here

**Red:** ?

**peapod:** you’re like always there tho so it doesn’t count 

**pussy cat:** btw cheryl is it good if i head over rn i’m bored 

**Cher Bear:** Of course. 

**teeth:** wait can someone reiterate what’s going on

**hobo:** THATS WHY I SAID NO ONE TEXT!!

**titty:** jughead’s gonna flip a table

**Red:** lololololololololololololololololololololol

**hobo:** Okay, no one text!

**hobo:** Everyone meet at Thistlehouse at four!

**titty:** got it 

**kevsin:** why would you have to get it if you’re already there 

**titty:** idk lol

**hobo:** STOP TEXTING SO EVERYONE CAN SEE!!

**titty:** yes sir 

**hobo:** TONI

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
